书城公版The Autocrat of the Breakfast-Table
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第17章

So of those who deal with the palpable and often unmistakable facts of external nature; only in a less degree.Every probability - and most of our common, working beliefs are probabilities - is provided with BUFFERS at both ends, which break the force of opposite opinions clashing against it; but scientific certainty has no spring in it, no courtesy, no possibility of yielding.All this must react on the minds which handle these forms of truth.

- Oh, you need net tell me that Messrs.A.and B.are the most gracious, unassuming people in the world, and yet preeminent in the ranges of science I am referring to.I know that as well as you.

But mark this which I am going to say once for all: If I had not force enough to project a principle full in the face of the half dozen most obvious facts which seem to contradict it, I would think only in single file from this day forward.A rash man, once visiting a certain noted institution at South Boston, ventured to express the sentiment, that man is a rational being.An old woman who was an attendant in the Idiot School contradicted the statement, and appealed to the facts before the speaker to disprove it.The rash man stuck to his hasty generalization, notwithstanding.

[ - It is my desire to be useful to those with whom I am associated in my daily relations.I not unfrequently practise the divine art of music in company with our landlady's daughter, who, as Imentioned before, is the owner of an accordion.Having myself a well-marked barytone voice of more than half an octave in compass, I sometimes add my vocal powers to her execution of "Thou, thou reign'st in this bosom."not, however, unless her mother or some other discreet female is present, to prevent misinterpretation or remark.I have also taken a good deal of interest in Benjamin Franklin, before referred to, sometimes called B.F., or more frequently Frank, in imitation of that felicitous abbreviation, combining dignity and convenience, adopted by some of his betters.My acquaintance with the French language is very imperfect, I having never studied it anywhere but in Paris, which is awkward, as B.F.devotes himself to it with the peculiar advantage of an Alsacian teacher.The boy, I think, is doing well, between us, notwithstanding.The following is an UNCORRECTED French exercise, written by this young gentleman.His mother thinks it very creditable to his abilities; though, being unacquainted with the French language, her judgment cannot be considered final.

LE RAT DIES SALONS A LECTURE.

CE rat ci est un animal fort singulier.Il a deux pattes de derriere sur lesquelles il marche, et deux pattes de devant dont il fait usage pour tenir les journaux.Cet animal a la peau noire pour le plupart, et porte un cerele blanchatre autour de son cou.

On le trouve tous les jours aux dits salons, on il demeure, digere, s'il y a do quoi dans son interieur, respire, tousse, eternue, dort, et renfle quelquefois, ayant toujours le semblant de lire.

On ne sait pas s'il a une autre gite que cela.Il a l'air d'une bete tres stupide, mais il est d'une sagacite et d'une vitesse extraordinaire quand il s'agit de saisir un journal nouveau.On ne sait pas pourquoi il lit, parcequ'il ne parait pas avoir des idees.

Il vocalise rarement, mais en revanche, il fait des bruits nasaux divers.Il porte un crayon dans une de ses poches pectorales, avec lequel il fait des marques sur les bords des journaux et des livres, semblable aux suivans: !!! - Bah! Pooh! Il ne faut pas cependant les prendre pour des signes d'intelligence.Il ne vole pas, ordinairement; il fait rarement meme des echanges de parapluie, et jamais de chapeau, parceque son chapeau a toujours un caractere specifique.On ne sait pas au juste ce dont il se nourrit.Feu Cuvier etait d'avis que c'etait de l'odeur du cuir des reliures; ce qu'on dit d'etre une nourriture animale fort saine, et peu chere.Il vit bien longtems.Enfin il meure, en laissant a ses heritiers une carte du Salon a Lecture on il avait existe pendant sa vie.On pretend qu'il revient toutes les nuits, apres la mort, visiter le Salon.On peut le voir, dit on, a minuit, dans sa place habituelle, tenant le journal du soir, et ayant a sa main un crayon de charbon.Le lendemain on trouve des caracteres inconnus sur les bords du journal.Ce qui prouve que le spiritualisme est vrai, et que Messieurs les Professeurs de Cambridge sont des imbeciles qui ne savent rien du tout, du tout.

I think this exercise, which I have not corrected, or allowed to be touched in any way, is not discreditable to B.F.You observe that he is acquiring a knowledge of zoology at the same time that he is learning French.Fathers of families in moderate circumstances will find it profitable to their children, and an economical mode of instruction, to set them to revising and amending this boy's exercise.The passage was originally taken from the "Histoire Naturelle des Betes Ruminans et Rongeurs, Bipedes et Autres,"lately published in Paris.This was translated into English and published in London.It was republished at Great Pedlington, with notes and additions by the American editor.The notes consist of an interrogation-mark on page 53d, and a reference (p.127th) to another book "edited" by the same hand.The additions consist of the editor's name on the title-page and back, with a complete and authentic list of said editor's honorary titles in the first of these localities.Our boy translated the translation back into French.This may be compared with the original, to be found on Shelf 13, Division X, of the Public Library of this metropolis.]

- Some of you boarders ask me from time to time why I don't write a story, or a novel, or something of that kind.Instead of answering each one of you separately, I will thank you to step up into the wholesale department for a few moments, where I deal in answers by the piece and by the bale.