What difference in the disposition of the same person.Three years ago, having been to see my old friend, M.Roguin, at Yverdon, Ireceived a deputation to thank me for some books I had presented to the library of that city; the Swiss are great speakers; these gentlemen, accordingly, made me a long harangue, which I thought myself obliged in honor to answer, but so embarrassed myself in the attempt, that my head became confused, I stopped short, and was laughed at.Though naturally timid, I have sometimes acted with confidence in my youth, but never in my advanced age: the more Ihave seen of the world the less I have been able to adopt its manners.
On leaving Berne, we went to Soleure; the Archimandrite designing to reenter Germany, and return through Hungary or Poland to his own country.This would have been a prodigious tour; but as the contents of his purse rather increased than diminished during his journey, he was in no haste to return.For me, who was almost as much pleased on horseback as on foot, I would have desired no better than to have traveled thus during my whole life; but it was preordained that my journey should soon end.
The first thing we did after our arrival at Soleure, was to pay our respects to the French ambassador there.Unfortunately for my bishop, this chanced to be the Marquis de Bonac, who had been ambassador at the Porte, and consequently was acquainted with every particular relative to the Holy Sepulcher.The Archimandrite had an audience that lasted about a quarter of an hour, to which I was not admitted, as the ambassador spoke the Lingua Franca and Italian at least as well as myself.On my Grecian's retiring, I was prepared to follow him, but was detained; it was now my turn.Having called myself a Parisian, as such, I was under the jurisdiction of his excellency:
he therefore asked me who I was? exhorting me to tell the truth;this I promised to do, but entreated a private audience, which was immediately granted.The ambassador took me to his closet, and shut the door; there, throwing myself at his feet, I kept my word, nor should I have said less, had I promised nothing, for a continual wish to unbosom myself, puts my heart perpetually upon my lips.
After having disclosed myself without reserve to the musician Lutold, there was no occasion to attempt acting the mysterious with the Marquis de Bonac, who was so well pleased with my little history, and the ingenuousness with which I had related it, that he led me to the ambassadress, and presented me, with an abridgment of my recital.Madam de Bonac received me kindly, saying, I must not be suffered to follow that Greek monk.It was accordingly resolved that Ishould remain at their hotel till something better could be done for me.I wished to bid adieu to my poor Archimandrite, for whom I had conceived an attachment, but was not permitted: they sent him word that I was to be detained there, and in quarter of an hour after, Isaw my little bundle arrive.M.de la Martiniere, secretary to the embassy, had in a manner the care of me; while following him to the chamber appropriated to my use, he said, "This apartment was occupied under the Count de Luc, by a celebrated man of the same name as yourself; it is in your power to succeed him in every respect, and cause it to be said hereafter, Rousseau the First, Rousseau the Second." This similarity, which I did not then expect, would have been less flattering to my wishes could I have foreseen at what price Ishould one day purchase the distinction.
What M.de la Martiniere had said excited my curiosity; I read the works of the person whose chamber I occupied, and on the strength of the compliment that had been paid me (imagining I had a taste for poetry) made my first essay in a cantata in praise of Madam de Bonac.This inclination was not permanent, though from time to time I have composed tolerable verses.I think it is a good exercise to teach elegant turns of expression, and to write well in prose, but could never find attractions enough in French poetry to give entirely into it.
M.de la Martiniere wished to see my style, and asked me to write the detail I had before made the ambassador; accordingly I wrote him a long letter, which I have since been informed was preserved by M.de Marianne, who had been long attached to the Marquis de Bonac, and has since succeeded M.de la Martiniere as secretary to the embassy of M.de Courteillies.
The experience I began to acquire tended to moderate my romantic projects: for example, I did not fall in love with Madam de Bonac, but also felt I did not stand much chance of succeeding in the service of her husband.M.de la Martiniere was already in the only place that could have satisfied my ambition, and M.de Marianne in expectancy:
thus my utmost hopes could only aspire to the office of under secretary, which did not infinitely tempt me; this was the reason that when consulted on the situation I should like to be placed in, Iexpressed a great desire to go to Paris.The ambassador readily gave in to the idea, which at least tended to disembarrass him of me.M.de Merveilleux interpreting secretary to the embassy, said, that his friend, M.Godard, a Swiss colonel, in the service of France, wanted a person to be with his nephew, who had entered very young into the service, and made no doubt that I should suit him.On this idea, so lightly formed, my departure was determined; and I, who saw a long journey to perform, with Paris at the end of it, was enraptured with the project.They gave me several letters, a hundred livres to defray the expenses of my journey, accompanied with some good advice, and thus equipped I departed.