The first blank day passed away, and it seemed to her almost as though she had no right to speak to anyone. She was sure that Lady Rufford knew what had occurred, because nothing more was said as to the proposed visit. Mrs Colonel Stubbs would have been welcome anywhere, but who was Ayala Dormer? Even though Lady Albury bade her come out in the carriage, it seemed to her to be done as a final effort of kindness. Of course they would be anxious to be rid of her. That evening the buxom woman did not come to help her dress herself. It was an accident. The buxom woman was wanted here and there till it was too late, and Ayala had left her room. Ayala, in truth, required no assistance in dressing. When the first agonizing moment of the new frock had been passed over, she would sooner have arrayed herself without assistance. But now it seemed as though the buxom woman was running away because she, Ayala, was thought to be no longer worthy of her services.
On the next morning she began her little speech to Lady Albury.
"Going away tomorrow?" said Lady Albury.
"Or perhaps the next day," suggested Ayala.
"My dear, it has been arranged that you should stay here for another three weeks.""No."
"I say it was arranged. Everybody understood it. I am sure your aunt understood it. Because one person goes, everybody else isn't to follow so as to break up a party. Honour among thieves!""Thieves!"
"Well -- anything else you like to call us all. The party has been made up. And to tell the truth I don't think that young ladies have the same right of changing their minds and rushing about as men assume. Young ladies ought to be more steady. Where am I to get another young lady at a moment's notice to play lawn tennis with Mr Greene? Compose yourself and stay where you are like a good girl.""What will Sir Harry say?"
"Sir Harry will probably go on talking about the Stillborough fox and quarrelling with that odious Captain Glomax. That is, if you remain here. If you go all of a sudden, he will perhaps hint -- ""Hint what, Lady Albury?"
"Never mind. He shall make no hints if you are a good girl."Nothing was said at the moment about the Colonel -- nothing further than the little allusion made above. Then there came the lawn tennis, and Ayala regained something of her spirits as she contrived with the assistance of Sir Harry to beat Nina and the curate.
But on the following day Lady Albury spoke out more plainly.
"It was because of Colonel Stubbs that you said that you would go away."Ayala paused for a moment, and then answered stoutly, "Yes, it was because of Colonel Stubbs.""And why?"
Ayala paused again and the stoutness almost deserted her. "Because -- ""Well, my dear?"
"I don't think I ought to be asked," said Ayala.
"Well, you shall not be asked. I will not be cruel to you. But do you not know that if I ask anything it is with a view to your own good?""Oh, yes," said Ayala.
"But though I may not ask I suppose I may speak." To this Ayala made no reply, either assenting or dissenting. "You know, do you note that I and Colonel Stubbs love each other like brother and sister -- more dearly than many brothers and sisters?""I suppose so."
"And that therefore he tells me everything. He told me what took place in the wood -- and because of that he has gone away.""Of course you are angry with me -- because he has gone away.""I am sorry that he has gone -- because of the cause of it. Ialways wish that he should have everything that he desires; and now I wish that he should have this thing because he desires it above all other things." Does he desire it above all other things? -- thought Ayala to herself. And, if it be really so, cannot I now tell her that he shall have it? Cannot I say that I too long to get it quite as eagerly as he long to have it?
The suggestion rushed quickly to her mind; but the answer to it came as quickly. No -- she would not do so. No offer of the kind would come from her. By what she had said must she abide -- unless, indeed, he should come to her again. "But why should you go, Ayala, because he has gone? Why should you say aloud that you had come here to listen to his offer, and that you had gone away as soon as you had resolved that, for this reason or that, it was not satisfactory to you?""Oh, Lady Albury."
"That would be the conclusion drawn. Remain here with us, and see if you can like us well enough to be one of us.""Dear Lady Albury, I do love you dearly.""What he may do I cannot say. Whether he may bring himself to try once again I do not know -- nor will I ask you whether there might possibly be any other answer were he to do so.""No!" said Ayala, driven by a sudden fit of obstinacy which she could not control.
"I ask no questions about it, but I am sure it will be better for you to remain here for a few weeks. We will make you happy if we can, and you can learn to think over what has passed without emotion." Thus it was decided that Ayala should prolong her visit into the middle of March. She could not understand her own conduct when she again found herself alone. Why had she ejaculated that sudden "No," when Lady Albury had suggested to her the possibility of changing her purpose? She knew that she would fain change it if it were possible; and yet when the idea was presented to her she replied with a sudden denial of its possibility. But still there was hope, even though the hope was faint. "Whether he may bring himself to try again I do not know." So it was that Lady Albury had spoken of him, and of what Lady Albury said to her she now believed every word. "Whether he could bring himself!"Surely such a one as he would not condescend so far as that.
But if he did one word should be sufficient. By no one else would she allow it to be thought, for an instant, that she would wish to reverse her decision. It must still be No to any other person from whom such suggestion might come. But should he give her the chance she would tell him instantly the truth of everything.
"Can I love you! Oh, my love, it is impossible that I should not love you!" It would be thus that the answer should be given to him, should he allow her the chance of making it.