But there was the letter to be written. She so wrote it that by far the greater part of it -- the larger part at least --had reference to Nina and her wedding. "I will think of her on the 8th of April," she said. "I shall then be at home at Kingsbury Crescent, and I shall have nothing else to think of." In that was her first allusion to her own condition with her lover. But on the last side of the sheet it was necessary that she should say more than that. Something must be said thoughtfully, carefully, and gratefully in reply to so much thought, and care, and friendship, as had been shown to her. But it must be so written that nothing of her secret should be read in it. The task was so troublesome that she was compelled to recopy the whole of her long letter, because the sentences as first written did not please her. "Iam so much obliged to you", she said, "by your kindness about Colonel Stubbs. He did do me the honour of asking me to be his wife. And I felt it so. You are not to suppose that I did not understand that. It is all over now, and I cannot explain to you why I felt that it would not do. It is all over, and therefore writing about it is no good. Only I want you to be sure of two things -- that there is no one else, and that I do love you so much for all your kindness. And you may be sure of a third thing, too -- that it is all over. I do hope that he will still let me be his friend. As a friend I have always liked him so much."It was brave and bold, she thought, in answer to such words as the Marchesa's; but she did not know how to do it any better.
On Tuesday, the 25th of March, she was to return to Kingsbury Crescent. Various little words were said at Stalham indicating an intended break in the arrangement. "The Captain certainly won't come now," said Lady Albury, alluding to the arrangement as though it had been made solely with the view of saving Ayala from an encounter with her objectionable lover. "Croppy has come back," said Sir Harry one day -- Croppy being the pony which Ayala had ridden. "Miss Dormer can have him now for what little there is left of the hunting." This was said on the Saturday before she was to go. How could she ride Croppy for the rest of the hunting when she would be at Kingsbury Crescent? On neither of these occasions did she say a word, but she assumed that little look of contradiction which her friends at Stalham already knew how to read. Then, on the Sunday morning, there came a letter for Lady Albury. "What does he say?" asked Sir Harry, at breakfast.
"I'll show it you before you go to church," answered his wife.
Then Ayala knew that the letter was from Colonel Stubbs.
But she did not expect that the letter should be shown to her -- which, however, came to be the case. When she was in the library, waiting to start to church, Lady Albury came in and threw the letter to her across the table. "That concerns you," she said, "You had better read it." There was another lady in the room, also waiting to start on their walk across the park, and therefore it was natural that nothing else should be said at the moment.
Ayala read the letter, returned it to the envelope, and then handed it back to Lady Albury -- so that there was no word spoken about it before church. The letter, which was very short, was as follows:
"I shall be at Stalham by the afternoon train on Sunday, 30th -- in time for dinner, if you will send the dog-cart. I could not leave this most exigeant of all places this week. I suppose Albury will go on in the woodlands for a week or ten days in April, and I must put up with that. I hear that Batsby is altogether fixed by the fascinations of Merle Park. I hope that you and Albury will receive consolation in the money." Then there was a postscript. "If Croppy can be got back again, Miss Dormer might see me tumble into another river."It was evident that Lady Albury did not expect anything to be said at present. She put the letter into her pocket, and there, for the moment, was the end of it. It may be feared that Ayala's attention was not fixed that morning so closely as it should have been on the services of the Church. There was so much in that little letter which insisted on having all her attention!
Had there been no postscript, the letter would have been very different. In that case the body of the letter itself would have intended to have no reference to her -- or rather it would have had a reference altogether opposite to that which the postscript gave it. In that case it would have been manifest to her that he had intentionally postponed his coming till she had left Stalham.
Then his suggestion about the hunting would have had no interest for her. Everything would have been over. She would have been at Kingsbury Crescent, and he would have been at Stalham. But the postscript declared his intention of finding her still in the old quarters. She would not be there -- as she declared to herself. After this there would be but one other day, and then she would be gone. But even this allusion to her and to the pony made the letter something to her of intense interest. Had it not been so Lady Albury would not have shown it to her. As it was, why had Lady Albury shown it to her in that quiet, placid, friendly way -- as though it were natural that any letter from Colonel Stubbs to Stalham should be shown to her?
At lunch Sir Harry began about the pony at once. "Miss Dormer,"he said, "the pony will hardly be fit tomorrow, and the distances during the rest of the week are all too great for you; you had better wait till Monday week, when Stubbs will be here to look after you.""But I am going home on Tuesday," said Ayala.
"I've had the pony brought on purpose for you," said Sir Harry.
"You are not going at all," said Lady Albury. "All that has to be altered. I'll write to Mrs Dosett.""I don't think -- " began Ayala.
"I shall take it very much amiss", said Sir Harry, "if you go now. Stubbs is coming on purpose.""I don't think -- " began Ayala again.
"My dear Ayala, it isn't a case for thinking," said Lady Albury.
"You most positively will not leave this house till some day in April, which will have to be settled hereafter. Do not let us have a word more about it." Then, on that immediate occasion, no further word about it was spoken. Ayala was quite unable to speak as she sat attempting to eat her lunch.