The clown didn't haunt me again after the nightmare. I stuffed it in the trash under some paper towels and magazines while Mom slept. The toy was more solid than I thought it would be-almost like a toddler-and seemed to wriggle in my arms. It was even more unsettling because, although I can't place where, I've seen that clown before. I told Mom I gave the toy to a nurse for the children's ward, since it was from a complete stranger.
Stranger. The perfect descriptor for Morpheus. He's stranger than any person or creature I've ever met. And, boy, do I have a long line of comparison subjects.
On Wednesday morning Dad drops me at school twenty minutes early.
I'm exhausted. After being discharged from the hospital on Tuesday, I refused to take any of the sedatives prescribed by the hospital's attending physician. Between the pain of my injuries and thinking about Jeb's heiress client and Morpheus's crash-landing into my everyday life, I didn't get much sleep.
"You look pale, even with the makeup." Dad hands me my backpack across the seat as I slide out of the truck onto the asphalt parking lot. "I hope you're not overdoing it."
There's no way to tell him the real reason for my blood-drained face. And his concern is nothing compared to what Mom's been feeling since I've been home from the hospital. She wouldn't let me have any visitors, insisting I needed to rest, so I didn't get to see Jeb or Jenara. Since my new cell phone wasn't charged and programmed, I settled for a short and unsatisfying landline call divided between both of them. Jeb was evasive about his visit with the heiress, insisting we talk about it in person. That did nothing to calm my nerves.
Mom's final words as I left this morning were, "I'm not sure school's a good idea so soon. Maybe take a day off from classes while your car is getting its tire fixed."
Somehow I managed to talk Dad into driving me anyway, and I'm not leaving now. "Dad, please stop enabling Mom's paranoia. Persephone's given me the entire week off from work. I'll get bored sitting at home. I have exams to make up, and there's no way I'm going to summer school. I want to graduate with my class."
I plant my feet in a determined stance. I have to win this argument. If I don't find Morpheus today, he'll come looking for me at home. That's the last thing Mom needs.
Dad's hands tighten on his steering wheel. Sunlight slants through the windshield, glaring off his wedding ring and the silver logo on his work shirt. "Cut your mom some slack. You gave us a real scare. She's having trouble finding her footing."
I bite my inner cheek. "I get that. But her hovering is out of control. The danger's behind me now." Not true. It's lying in wait just around the corner. "I'm stronger than you two think, okay?"
His expression relaxes. "I'm sorry, Butterfly. I forget sometimes how much you've grown up over the past year." He gives me a real smile then. "Have a good day. And show those tests who's boss."
"Thanks." I reach in to squeeze his hand before shutting the door. Smiling, I wave as he drives off, though my confidence is forced. I can't stop worrying about what Morpheus has up his lace-cuffed sleeve.
There are rules for netherlings when they breach the human realm. Unless they want to be seen as they are, in all their fairy weirdness, they have to borrow a human's face and body for camouflage-trade places with them. The human has to stay in Wonderland, so there won't be two of the same person running around in the mortal realm, and can't return until their netherling doppelganger no longer requires their image. Only then can they resume their life and identity again.
Which means Morpheus has coerced someone into taking a leap down the rabbit hole. It also means Morpheus may not be recognizable to me, and this gives him a distinct advantage.
As if he needs any more than he already has.
The skies are clear and the sun warms my back. I won the wardrobe argument with my mom, and armed in a dusty-rose tulle miniskirt and scarf, gray corset jacket, paisley tights, and black lace-up knee boots, I head toward the breezeway's door, convincing myself I'm ready to face him.
As I weave through cars-some occupied and blaring loud music, others empty-Corbin's rusted orange 1950 Chevy, Sidestep, comes into view. He and Jenara have their heads together, sharing a few steamy kisses before the bell rings.
Any other time, I'd walk by and give them their privacy, but today I need info on our new exchange student. Jen always has the low-down on everyone and everything at Pleasance High.
A country-and-western ballad drifts from the cracked-open passenger's-side window. I clear my throat and slap the glass with my palm, my fingerless gloves muffling the sound.
Corbin's eyes pop open, and he pushes Jen back, gesturing to me. Jen squeals, opens the door, and drags me into the seat beside her for a hug, shoving Corbin over to make room. He fumbles to salvage the thirty-two-ounce to-go cup that was sandwiched between his hip and the door.
"Sorry," I mouth to him from over Jen's shoulder.
Corbin tips his chin in acknowledgment and offers a shy, expectant smile. He's no doubt waiting for me to greet him like I usually do, to tease him about the bromance between him and Jeb. They share a love for cars and have been discussing restorations for Corbin's Chevy. It's too bad Jeb can't seem to find time to work on it with him. Welcome to my world, Corb.
"I'm so glad you're here," Jenara says, holding me close. The scent of her shampoo enfolds me. "Seeing you at the hospital…the wires and tubes and machines all around you." She breaks us apart to study me, the sympathy on her face visceral. "It was like your worst nightmares had come true."
Even though she's referring to my past fears of being bound and helpless in an asylum, I think about the destruction Morpheus showed me in Wonderland while I was unconscious, and the spider-webs winding through my sedative-enhanced dreams. She has no idea how spot-on she is about nightmares coming true.
"I'm okay now." I pat her wrist.
She brushes a strand of hair off my forehead. "Just don't do anything like that again, yeah?"
"Yeah, yeah." I grin. "You sound just like your brother. By the way, did he say anything about his appointment with that heiress chick yet? He was so quiet last night on the phone."
Jen's black-lined eyes narrow, seeing right through me. "Stop worrying. You're his world…his muse. Right, Corbin?"
"Huh?" Corbin lifts his mouth off the straw sticking out of his Coke's lid. "Oh, sure," he says in his deep southern drawl. "He's only got eyes for you." He smirks encouragingly, and the freckles around his nose line up like a pigmented constellation.
The ten-minute warning bell rings, and we pile out of the truck. Jen twists a tendril of pink hair around her finger and secures it over her ear with a pearl barrette that matches the ivory netted skirt layered over her skinny jeans. She hands off her backpack to Corbin. We follow a crowd of students, the three of us locked in our own private conversation.
"So, did Jeb tell you two about the guy who helped him get the ambulance?" I ask. "He said he was enrolling here…"
"Yep," Corbin responds after another sip of Coke. "He registered yesterday. A senior from Cheshire, England."
From Cheshire.
"Of course," I say under my breath. Time to find out whose life and identity he borrowed to pull off this charade. "What's his name?" I press.
"M," Jenara answers.
"What? Like Em, short for Emmett?"
"Nope. Like the letter in the alphabet."
I don't know whether to laugh or gag.
We step into the breezeway, the tiles slick under our feet compared to the asphalt outside. Our small trio gets hemmed in by other students, and I'm bombarded with questions: What was it like, almost dying? Did you see any ghosts when you were in the coma? Is heaven like the movies say it is?
It's weird, but for once, being the center of attention isn't so bad. Being noticed for something other than the way I dress or who I'm descended from makes me feel almost normal…accepted.
After our curious classmates get their fill of my guarded answers and move on, Jenara resumes our conversation. "The exchange guy's last name is Rethen."
I frown, feeling out the word in my mind. Rethen. It uses the same letters as nether. It's an anagram. There's nothing subtle about Morpheus.
"You should see his amazing sports car," Corbin adds. "Lets anyone drive it who wants to. I drove us to lunch in it yesterday."
I clench my teeth. The jerk isn't even trying to lie low. He's flaunting how close he can get to everyone I care about, how easy it is for him to blend into my world, as a warning to me.
I want to tell them both to stay away from him, but how do I justify the request, since technically I haven't met him yet?
"And Al"-Jen practically beams-"you'll love his style. Dead-bug chic."
"Here we go." Corbin rolls his eyes.
Jen elbows him. "Shut up. Al will totally get this." She loops an arm through my elbow. "He wants to be a lepidopterist or entomologist or something. He's inspired a whole new line for me. Faded jeans, rattlesnake boots, and a cowboy hat with a string of-"
"Moths around the brim," I finish for her, my heart skipping a beat or two.
Jen and Corbin both stare at me in awe.
"How'd you know that?" Corbin asks.
"Jeb mentioned it," I lie, and clear my throat for effect.
"Ah." Jenara's eyes-the same green hue of her brother's-sparkle under their veil of gray eye shadow. "Well, I designed some dead-bug fashions during sixth period yesterday. You're hitching a ride with us after school, right?"
I nod.
"I'll show you the sketches later. I used M for the model. He's got this whole hot-androgynous thing going on."
"That's my cue." Corbin taps Jen's butt with her backpack before handing it off. With a practiced arm, he tosses his empty Coke cup into a trash can a few feet away. It lands neatly inside. "Like to see your limey unisex cowboy do that. It's all in the hands." He wiggles his fingers in Jen's direction. "I got man skills, babe. That's why I'm starting quarterback."
She huffs. "Really? Looks more like janitorial skills," she teases back.
Corbin laughs and disappears around the corner. Jen gives me a hug and we part for first period.
I settle at my desk. Morpheus is nowhere in sight, although he is the topic of almost every girl's conversation and passed note. I manage to read one over someone's shoulder:
I heard he got in trouble with his rich English family and was sent here to see how regular people live. Viva American peasants! The M comes from his dad, Mort, but he's rebelling. *drools*
So, not only is he rich, British, and eccentric, he's a bad boy and a rebel. Great. Once again, he's pulling everyone's strings.
I sit through an excruciating three periods-two exams and one review work sheet-without seeing him once. I'm guessing he arranged his schedule contrary to mine so I'll worry about where he is and what he's up to. Another ploy to knock me off balance.
In the basement level on the way to fourth period, I decide to ditch study hall and peek in every door of every senior class until I find him, determined to make contact before lunch. The last thing I want is to face him across a crowded cafeteria.
I slip into the girls' bathroom to wait for the bell to ring and the hall to clear. The small gray alcove is just under the girls' and boys' locker rooms located on the first floor. Faulty pipes run across the dingy white ceiling. Rusty stains branch out like yellow-brown veins, and the scent of mildew hangs heavy on the air.
It's just a matter of time till the pipes spring a leak in the gymnasium floor upstairs and ruin everything, which is why the money our class raised for our senior gift will be used for new copper pipes to be installed this summer.
The tardy bell rings. I wait for voices to fade and doors to shut. Strands of sunshine filter through a hopper window where the wall meets the ceiling. The hinged glass is open a crack, letting in a sliver of fresh air, just enough to make breathing bearable.
A chorus of whispering bugs and plants drifts in, blending into a nonsensical hum. Cobwebs line the windowpane and ripple in the breeze like ghostly handkerchiefs waving at me.
I stare at my reflection in the dusty mirror, focused on the red strip of hair, and imagine the strand moving like the webs-an invisible string drawing it up to dance. As I concentrate, it starts to twine and twist.
My muscles tense. It's not safe, using my powers here at school-entangling pieces of my life I've tried for months to keep separate. If I'm not careful, the end result could be volatile.
Ignoring the sense of dread, I concentrate harder until the wave of magic resurges. My hair sways and spins until it's at a right angle from the platinum strands surrounding it, so much like my horrific dream at the hospital…the sword of blood.
As if triggered by my memory, an image begins to stir just behind my reflection. My concentration wavers, and the strand of hair falls limp. There's a blur of white, red, and black checked patterns in the glass, sharpening to the clown from the hospital. It looms there, stretched out of proportion, as if I'm looking into a funhouse mirror. The clown shakes a snow globe in its hands and smiles with teeth sharp and silver like nails. My knees wobble, but I hold my ground, assuring myself I'm imagining it.
If I turn around, it will be gone.
Please don't be there…please please please…
Gathering my courage, I spin on my heel.
Nothing but walls and stalls. I take a breath, then face the mirror again. The clown in the reflection has vanished.
Maybe Dad was right. Maybe I am overdoing it…
A door in the hallway slams, reminding me of the reason I'm hiding here to begin with. Morpheus.
This has to be one of his mind games.
I wait for silence and then venture out. I've only made it two steps when the familiar snicker of Taelor Tremont breaks the silence. Someone shushes her, followed by several girlish giggles and a wicked laugh that I know better than the scars on my own palms.
Curling my hands around my backpack straps, I peer around the corner.
He's there with his back to me, just a few feet away. Tall and lithe. A leather vest and skintight T-shirt across his broad shoulders. Worn jeans hug his legs. Whoever's body he stole is close to his own, although his hair is shorter. I can't see any fringe under the edges of his cowboy hat from the back.
He holds a poster up to the wall that says, TOYS FOR FAIRY-TALE ENDINGS: GIVE A SICK CHILD A HAPPILY-EVER-TODAY. It's a reminder for the charity drive our senior class is organizing from now until Friday. To get in the door for prom, every attendee has to contribute a new toy for a local children's hospital. There's a box for early donations against the wall, already half filled.
Four girls from our senior student council surround Morpheus, offering their opinion on the poster's placement above the box. Taelor and Twyla argue over who gets to tape it in place. Most of the time they're either fighting or competing, yet they claim to be best friends. It's like the symbiotic relationship between a parasitic fungus and its host. I just haven't figured out who's the fungus. Kimber and Deirdre round out the quartet, the bearers of the tape dispensers.
All four are drooling over Morpheus as if he's royalty. Only his second day here and already he's made more headway than me in my entire school career. I bite back a wave of envy.
As if sensing I'm watching, he turns. For one instant he looks like someone else-a stranger. Then, in a blink, it's Morpheus: the patches around his eyes, the jewels that display his every mood tipping the edges.
I whimper as a spread of dark wings lifts behind his shoulders, shadowing my classmates. Gasping, I hide around the corner again, smashed against the wall, backpack sandwiched between my spine and the cold tiles.
I thought I was ready, but to see him in my world, unhinging all that was once normal, revealing everything I've worked so hard to hide…it paralyzes me. I hold my breath, ears burning, and wait for the terrified screams when the girls realize what he is-what I am.
Instead, more flirty whispers and giggles drift my way.
I work up the nerve to look again. Taelor and the other femmes fatales are ascending the stairs.
"Remember," Taelor says to Morpheus in her most provocative voice, "you promised to let me drive your sexy-hot car at lunch."
The girls disappear from my view.
How could they have missed what I saw so clearly?
Morpheus faces me again, wings spread wide. No one else is in the hall, but my heart pummels my ribs as if we were on exhibition-my secret and his-to the whole world.
Backing up, I duck once more into the bathroom. Before the door can swing shut, he shoves his way over the threshold. Strands of sunlight from the window spotlight his finely lined dark eyes. They're the only part of him that I recognize now. His face and his body, though a strikingly close match, belong to some human guy I've never seen.
He's like a broken vase-delicately angular features with a thin scar that runs from his left temple to his cheek-damaged yet lovely. His skin is golden, very different from Morpheus's alabaster complexion. There's also a dimple in his chin similar to mine. He's about my age and looks like he belongs in high school.
Morpheus takes off his hat, revealing short-cropped hair dyed a blue so vivid it almost glows.
"Alyssa." The voice is his, unmistakably. Deep and sensual with an edge of malice. "You look so much better than the last time I saw you. Although I must admit, you wore those wet clothes very well."
Every part of me wants to shake him until his insides are as jumbled as mine. Just when I thought I had a chance at normal, he comes back and ruins everything. I drop my backpack with a loud thump.
"I can't…" My tongue stumbles over the words. "I can't bring myself to ask."
The right side of his mouth lifts-a roguish smirk unfamiliar on the new set of full lips, but every bit as exasperating. "Let me ask for you, then." His gaze flits to the rust-stained ceiling. "What is a lovely queen like you"-his nose wrinkles-"doing in a smelly place like this?"
"Stop that." I scowl. "There's nothing funny about what you've done. The guy whose body you stole…who is he?"
Morpheus drops his hat on his head and tilts it. A line of dusty white moth corpses wiggles at the brim. "His name is Finley. He's a loner. A failed musician. Found him drugged out of his mind in Grimsby, an old fishing town in England."
"Out of his mind? So that's how you convinced him to go to Wonderland?"
"It didn't take any convincing. He was unhappy with his life here in the human realm. Look how many times he's tried to cut out early." He turns his inner arms. Underneath four twisted leather bracelets are two snake tattoos stretched along his skin from his elbows to his wrists. They manage to hide part of the suicide attempts and needle tracks, but they also hide Morpheus's netherling mark, the one part of him that still remains, even while he mimicks another guy's form.
I think of my own mark beneath my boot on my left ankle, and how it will always be a part of me no matter how many tattoos or layers of leggings I wear to cover it.
My windpipe tightens, making it difficult to breathe. "Didn't you learn anything with Alice? You can't just take him away from the ones who care about him. There will be ripples, consequences."
Morpheus taps the leather braid at his neck thoughtfully. "I chose carefully. He has no one who loves him. I did him a favor. Possibly even saved his life."
My temples pound. "No, no, no. You don't get to make that call. He has a life he's supposed to live here, no matter how miserable it turns out. Something could've been about to change, to bring him out of his slump. You've taken away his chance to redeem himself…"
"One damaged soul in exchange for thousands of netherling lives. It's a fair trade."
My frown deepens. As much as I despise his nonchalance and underhanded tactics, I understand his loyalty to Wonderland and his friends there. So why can't he sympathize with my loyalties to this world?
"Stop worrying about Fin," he says, his voice softening. "The boy's being well tended to. I gave him to the Ivory Queen for a plaything."
This sets my teeth on edge. "Ivory wouldn't do that."
"Wouldn't she? Have you forgotten how she yearns for a companion? I told her his situation-that he was dying of loneliness in the human realm. That he needed love to heal him. Once you know someone's weakness, they're easy to manipulate. You're intimately familiar with this strategy, are you not?"
Remembering my dream in the hospital-Jeb's screams ringing in my head-I wince.
Morpheus steps closer. "One does what one has to do to protect what they love." His expression is sincere, and something unreadable lurks behind his inky gaze. There's more to that statement than a Wonderland reference. Unfortunately I'm too distracted by his looming presence to analyze it.
I brace my hand against his chest: a barrier. "Look, if you're going to be in my world, there are social guidelines you need to follow. First, there's a thing called personal space. So everyone you encounter, including me, you need to imagine them in an impenetrable box." I gesture invisible lines around me with my free hand. "You don't get any closer than the box's boundaries. Are we clear?"
His chest muscles twitch under my palm; then he steps back, his cowboy boots scraping on the gritty floor. "Apparently, your giggly friends forgot to wear their boxes today."
I shoot him a disgusted glare. "They aren't my friends. And that stunt you pulled out there? Showing your true form for the whole world to see? That is not okay. I don't know how they missed it, but you can't do that again!"
He huffs. "Aw, bless, Alyssa. Only you could see that side of me." He catches the strap of my backpack on the floor with his toe and drags it closer. I try to snatch it back, but he's too fast. Unzipping the bag, Morpheus digs through my books and papers. "Had you been studying the fundamentals of Wonderland instead of this pointless mortal brain-rot, you would know how a glamour works." He slides my AP biology book out and flips through several pages, coming to a diagram of the human body. He turns it to face me. "In order for me to become Fin, I had to imprint his form over my own before stepping through the portal into this world. It takes most of my power to hold this mask in place. Were I to let go of the glamour, even for an instant, it would be gone until I could visit Fin again for another imprint." He snaps the book shut with one hand. "But you? There are moments you can make out glimpses of truth, penetrate the chinks in my mask and see me for what I am. Because you have learned to look through netherling lenses."
I wish it was that easy to see him for what he is, instead of constantly wondering what he's up to. "Let's just get this over with. I'm tired of the games."
He tilts his head, like a puppy trying to understand its master's wishes. "I haven't been playing any games."
"Right." I consider bringing up the clown, but there's no point in wasting time with his denials. Better to get him off my back by pretending to cooperate. "How, exactly, am I supposed to help with Queen Red so you can return Finley"-I stare him up and down-"back to his life?"
The bell rings, rattling through my bones. Chatter and laughter filter through the window. Moving shadows blink at the bottom of the door as people pass by.
Morpheus tucks away my book and closes the backpack. "I have a lunch date. We'll talk tomorrow. Same place, same time. You have until then to gather your wits and your mosaics. There is something they're trying to tell you, and, with a little magical aid, I can help you decipher it. Then after that we're off to Wonderland."
Twenty-four hours to say good-bye to everyone and everything I love? Not happening. "Wait, Morpheus. We need to talk about this."
"M," he corrects. "And there's nothing to talk about."
I shake my head, annoyed not only with his dismissiveness but with the stupid name he insists on using. "Why didn't you use Fin's name?"
"And chance someone knowing him?"
"Aha!" I point at his nose. "So he does have family."
He snatches my wrist. "Everyone has family in your world, Alyssa. Unfortunately for Fin, his no longer cares where he is. But a fellow like him is bound to have enemies. I don't need trouble. So I took only his image. Not his identity."
"I don't need trouble, either." I jerk out of his hold, grab my bag, and head for the door. "I'm not ready to go back to Wonderland. I have things here to do."
Unconcerned, he turns to adjust his hat in the mirror. "Ah, so you're busy. Perhaps whilst you find time for Wonderland, I shall entertain myself with the lovely little Jen of the pink hair and sparkling green eyes." His voice is low and suggestive. "Eyes so like her brother's."
Apprehension knots at the base of my throat, and I whip around, casting my backpack to the side. "You stay away from the people I love. Do you hear me?"
When he doesn't answer, I grip his elbow to force him to face me.
Before I can react, he catches my waist and sets my butt on the cold edge of the sink. Face-to-face with his chest, I squirm. He pins me in place with his body, gripping the porcelain behind me-entirely too close for comfort.
"Look at that," he taunts. "Your box seems to have shrunk."
I look behind me but can't back up without falling into the sink's basin.
"If you truly wish to protect those you love," he continues in the same taunting tone, "you will pay heed to what I'm saying. Is your comfort worth more than their safety?"
A realization slams into me, harsh and bitter. "You weren't talking about Finley, were you? I'm the soul you're willing to sacrifice for Wonderland. Right?" My eyes meet his, and the resolution there validates my fear.
Playing with the scarf at my neck, he pouts. "War is never pretty, Alyssa."
I suppress a sob. Mom's warning from the flowers and bugs was right. Morpheus is hanging me out to dry. "So, you know I don't have a prayer, and you're still sending me after her!" I shove him, but he won't budge.
"Either you go to her or she'll come to you. Better you contain the fight in Wonderland, where you have the advantage of keeping your family and friends out of the line of fire." He studies my neck where Jeb's heart locket and the key rest atop my scarf. "Remember what almost happened to your boyfriend the last time he got involved, how close he came to-"
"Don't say it," I plead.
Morpheus shrugs. "Simply making a point. Were he to face Wonderland again, he mightn't be so lucky this time."
The sink's edge bites into my hips. "Let me down." Though soft and even, my voice echoes in the hollowness of the bathroom.
Expression serious and intense, he pulls me off the sink, then spins me around, lifts my backpack, and arranges the straps over my shoulders like a mother prepping her child for kindergarten.
"We have a lot of work ahead of us to prepare you for your confrontation with Red," he says, his breath warm against the back of my head. "You are not equipped to fight her yet. But you will be. You're the best of both worlds, lest you forget. All you need is to have faith in yourself."
Without another word, he steps out. The door swings shut behind him.
I look at the waving cobwebs in the window. Considering the less-than-stellar parlor trick I did with my hair earlier, I know he's right. I'm unprepared for any sort of magical battle.
But what if he's wrong, too? How can being half of something be better than being whole? No amount of work or faith can prepare me for facing Queen Red and her heightened powers.
Foreboding creeps into my heart: This trip to Wonderland will be the end of me. By sticking out my neck again, I'll lose more than my normal, everyday life.
This time I will lose my head, along with everything attached.