Jai got the bed next to mine. New novices usually have to sleep in the junior novices' dormitory, but that is because most new arrivals are little girls. Jai was old enough to sleep with us older girls. I guessed that she was fourteen or fifteen, a year or two older than me.
The bed next to mine in the senior novices' dormitory was free because Joem had just moved into Hearth House to become novice to Sister Ers. Her novices are the only ones who do not sleep in Novice House. They have to keep the Hearth fire burning, the fire that must never go out, and they have to make offerings to Havva at all the right times. Joem thinks she is special because she gets to be a servant to the Hearth, with the soot mark on both cheeks as an insignia. She is sure she will succeed Sister Ers as Mistress of the Hearth, and get her marks permanently tattooed on. But Sister Ers is young, so if that's what Joem wants she will have to wait a long time. I know Joem believes that everybody envies her. When I first came to the island I could not imagine anything better than living in Hearth House, always surrounded by food. My stomach could not forget the hunger winter we had endured back home. But I soon changed my mind when I saw how strict Sister Ers was, never allowing her novices extra portions. Imagine constantly touching food, smelling food, working with food, but not being allowed to eat it!
Besides, Joem talked in her sleep. I did not miss her.
Jai sat on her bed and all the novices, younger and older, flocked around her as we always do when there is a new arrival. The little girls admired the long blond hair flowing out of her linen headscarf. Our headscarves protect us from the strong sun, but under them our hair must never be bound. We never cut our hair either. Our hair holds our strength, Sister O says.
The older girls quizzed her about where she came from, how long she had traveled, whether she had known anything about the Abbey before. Jai sat completely still. Her complexion was fairer than most, but I could tell that she was unusually pale. The skin under her eyes was thin and dark, nearly purple. Like violets in spring. She did not say a thing or answer a single question, she just looked around.
I got up from my bed. "That's enough. You have all got duties to be getting on with. Off you go."
They all did as they were told. It is funny to think that when I first came I was always making mistakes and no one would ever have done what I said. Now I was one of the oldest in Novice House who still did not answer to a specific house or sister. I was one of the longest-serving novices. The only one who had been around longer than me and still did not have a sister of her own was Ennike.
I showed Jai her cupboard and the clean clothes stacked inside, I told her where the outhouse was and helped her put new linen on her bed. She followed everything I did closely, but still said nothing.
"You do not need to do any duties today," I said, turning in the corners of her bedcover. "Later you will have to come to the Temple of the Rose for evening thanks, but do not worry, I will show you everything you need to know." I stood up straight. "Now it is nearly supper time. I will show you the way to Hearth House."
Jai still had not said a word.
"Do you understand what I am saying?" I asked softly. Maybe she came from such a faraway land that she did not even speak the coast languages. I did not when I first came. Up in the North, in lands like Rovas, Urundien, and Lavora, we speak a different language than they do down here by the sea. The coast languages are quite similar. People who speak them can understand one another, even though the pronunciation and certain words differ. Sister O says that the amount of mutual trade that goes on between the lands has ensured that their languages keep a close relationship. My first year at the Abbey was difficult before I learned the language.
Jai nodded. Then suddenly she opened her mouth to speak.
"Is it true there are no menfolk here?" Her voice was unexpectedly husky and her accent was one I had never heard before.
I shook my head. "Never. Men are not allowed on the island. The fishermen we trade with do not set foot on the land, Sister Veerk buys the catch from the pier. We have male animals of course. One quite savage rooster, some billy goats. But no men."
"How do you get by? Who takes care of the animals and works the earth and protects you?"
I led her to the tall, narrow door of the dormitory. There are so many doors here, each different from the last. They shut out, they lock in, they protect, hide, veil, conceal. They look at me with their bright iron fittings, stare with large wooden knots, glare with carved patterns. I counted that on any given day I pass by at least twenty doors.
Back home we had two. The cottage door and the outhouse door. Both were made of wooden planks hung on leather hinges that Father had made. At night Father would bar the cottage door from the inside with a big beam. The outhouse could be closed from the inside with a latch, and my brother Akios would flick it up from the outside with a splinter of wood while my sister Náraes would scream at him to leave us alone.
I led Jai through the corridor of Novice House. "We do not grow any grain ourselves, the island is too rocky. We buy what we need from the mainland. But we have some vegetable plots and olive groves and the sisters grow vines for wine at the Solitary Temple. We only drink it a few times a year at festivals and rituals."
We came out into the warm evening sun and I pulled my headscarf down over my eyes. Sister Loeni does not approve when I do that, she says it is unbecoming, but I do not like having the sun in my eyes.
"We do not need protection. Few sail this far out. Did you not see how steep the mountain up to the Abbey is, and the high wall surrounding it? There are only two entrances in the outer wall. The one you came through can be closed with a heavy door and bolted. The other one is called the goat door and it goes up toward the mountain." I pointed. "It leads to a little path we follow when we take the goats out to graze, and from there it goes to the Solitary Temple and White Lady, and our vegetable plots. It is very difficult to find the door from the mountainside if you do not already know where it is. And it has been a long time since pirates attacked the Abbey. It happened when the First Sisters came, which is why they built the outer wall, but it has not happened since. The Abbey is the only settlement on the island. There is no one we need to protect ourselves from." I made the sign of the circle on my left palm with my right index finger to ward off bad luck. "We are all servants of the First Mother. She protects us if we are in need."
The central courtyard was empty. Everybody must have already gone to Hearth House. That is always the way once word gets around that we have fresh fish. Before I came here I had only eaten dried fish a few times and it barely tasted of anything. But Sister Ers uses herbs and rare spices in all the cooking at Hearth House. The first time I put a spoonful of stew in my mouth the taste was so unfamiliar that I nearly spat it out again. The only thing that stopped me was the disapproval in the sisters' watchful eyes, which was lucky. If I had spat it out I would have accidentally exposed my ignorance to everyone. I felt uneducated and awkward enough as it was. Later I came to learn the names of all the unusual flavors. Cinnamon from the East, goosefoot from the Northern lands, yellow iruk and wild oregano from our own mountain slopes.
I looked at Jai. She must have felt just as awkward as I did when I came to the island. I reached out my hand to give her an encouraging pat on the arm, but she flinched as if I were about to hit her. She froze and hid her face in her hands. Her cheeks went even paler than before.
"Do not be scared," I said gently. "I only want to show you the houses. See, that is Body's Spring. You will learn about that tomorrow. Those steps lead up to the Temple Yard and Knowledge House, Sister House and the Temple of the Rose. They are called Eve Steps because they lead westward."
I saw Jai peek through her fingers so I carried on talking. "We call that long, narrow staircase Moon Steps. There are two hundred and seventy steps! I counted them myself. They lead up to the Moon Yard and Moon House. Mother's chamber is up there. Have you met Mother yet?"
Jai lowered her hands and nodded. I knew she had met Mother, all girls do as soon as they arrive. That was not why I asked her. I wanted to get her to relax.
"We do not have reason to go up there very often. Now I will take you up Dawn Steps. They lead up to Hearth House and the storehouse. Come."
I was wary of taking her by the hand to lead her, so I settled for walking in front and hoping she followed. She did follow, a few steps behind. I carried on babbling to keep her calm, like I do with the chickens when I collect their eggs. Sister Mareane laughs at me when I do that, but she lets me be. Sister Loeni, on the other hand, is always trying to get me to be quiet. But Sister Mareane knows that a gentle voice can soothe easily frightened animals.
"Wait until you see how well we eat here! The first time someone told me we get meat or fish for supper every day I laughed in her face. I thought she was joking. Eating meat every day! But it is no joke. It is usually fish or meat from our own goats. Some novices think there is too much goat meat, but not I—Sister Ers makes so many different tasty things with goat. Goat sausages and goat steak and goat stew and dried goat meat. And goat's milk of course. It is made into all sorts of cheeses. We keep chickens mainly for eggs, but sometimes a bird will find its way into one of Sister Ers's stews. Sister Ers is the tattooed sister in charge of Hearth House. All the sisters have their own responsibilities, as you will see for yourself soon enough." We puffed and panted our way up the last steps. When we came to the courtyard in front of Hearth House I could smell white fish and cooked egg. My stomach rumbled. However much I eat, I always seem to be hungry. It has been that way ever since the hunger winter.
"We all eat the same thing," I said, approaching the Hearth House door. "From the youngest novice to the sisters and Mother herself. Only the sisters in the Solitary Temple eat differently. Novices eat first, then the sisters. The same goes with washing, as you will see in the morning."
I opened the Hearth House door, which, as always, smelled like bread. When I first came here I could not resist the temptation to lick the hazel-brown wood to see if it tasted like bread too. Sister O scolded me all moon for my stupidity. Now I am older and I know better. But the door still smells like bread.
Jai was completely silent again. I was definitely talking too much. Sister Loeni would say so anyway. But Jai did not seem so tense and flighty anymore. She sat next to me and let Joem serve her a portion of white fish and cooked egg with stewed korr-root from the southern slopes of the island. I was glad to have korr-root and not cabbage. There is often a great deal of cabbage in our diet.
When we had finished eating I leaned back on the bench and patted my round belly.
"No one back home would believe me if I told them how well we eat here."
It is painful to think about my family having less to eat than we do at the Abbey. Maybe they go hungry sometimes. My home is so far away that I do not know what their winter was like this year, how the harvest went, or whether they have food on the table. I can only hope that with one less mouth to feed they have more left for the others. I could write them a letter but no one back home can read, and I do not even know how I would get a letter to our little farm, all the way up in the northernmost part of the great valley of Rovas.
I shook away my sorrow and smiled encouragingly at Jai.
"Do not think about the past. You are with us now, and it is not nearly as strict as you might have heard rumored. After supper our time is our own."
Around us, novices moved under the watchful eyes of Sister Ers, carrying their cups and plates to the scullery. Sister Ers's novices wiped the long table clean so it would be presentable for the sisters when it was their turn to eat. I took my plate and cup, Jai did the same and we stood in the line to the scullery.
"Lots of novices like to go down to the beach in the evening to swim or collect shells," I said. "Others wander up into the mountains to pick flowers and enjoy the view. Many do their reading assignments from Sister O or Sister Nummel, others chat or play games."
We put our plates in a tub of cold water. We were the last to leave the scullery and come back out into the evening sun. Bleats were coming from the goat house. It was nearly milking time. Several sisters were on their way up Dawn Steps to supper, deep in conversation. I would have to hurry to get to Sister O's room before she left.
"You can find your way back to Novice House, can't you? You can do whatever you like until it is time for evening thanks in the Temple of the Rose."
"Can I come with you?"
Jai's husky voice surprised me again. She stood with her hands clasped in front of her and eyes cast down at the ground. My heart sank. I did not want to take Jai with me. My evening activity was my own. I had never shared it with anybody.
"You'd only be bored," I said hesitantly. "You see, I …"
She stood completely still. Her hands gripped each other so hard her knuckles went white. She did not look me in the eye. I could not bring myself to deny a little company to a lonely girl on her first night in a new place.
"Of course you can join me if you want." She looked up at once and I smiled at her. "Come, we had better hurry!"
I ran down Dawn Steps, bumping into several sisters and mumbling apologies to them as I went. Sister Loeni got such a shove that her headscarf half fell off. She screwed up her face in that way that makes even her prominent chin wrinkle.
"Maresi! Look where you are going! If Mother ever …" Her chiding words faded into the distance as I ran across the central courtyard's uneven paving stones and rushed up Eve Steps with Jai close behind.
The Temple Yard has buildings on three of its sides and below the fourth side is the roof of Novice House. To the west, toward the wall, is Sister House. To the east, toward the mountainside, is the beautiful Temple of the Rose, and to the north is the Abbey's oldest building, Knowledge House. Behind Knowledge House is the Knowledge Yard, with its solitary lemon tree, and along one side of the courtyard is Knowledge Garden, protected from the sea winds by a low wall.
I ran up to Sister House, opened the door, and ran down the corridor to Sister O's room. I could hear Jai's steps behind me.
You have to knock on Sister O's door using a little brass knocker designed for the purpose. It is in the shape of a snake biting its own tail. When I asked Sister O about the snake she smiled her crooked little smile and said it was her guardian. I have learned not to ask her too many questions at once. But I resolved that one day I would find out exactly what she meant by that.
I knocked and Sister O called "Come in," sternly, as always. I opened the heavy oak door. Sister O was sitting at a large desk under the western window, bent over piles of parchments and books. Her fingers were flecked with black ink and she wore linen cloth on her arms so as not to get it on her shirt.
Usually when she sees that it is me she just raises her eyebrows and points at the key hanging on its hook under the wall-mounted candleholder. But when she saw Jai standing behind me she put down her quill and sat up straight.
"Who is this?" she asked with her characteristic abruptness, and I sensed Jai flinch. I stepped out of the way so they could see each other.
"This is Jai, she arrived today. I am going to show her the treasure chamber."
I blushed. I try not to use that term around anyone else. It is only a childish name I gave the room when I first saw what was in there. I know that the key does not open the way to some kind of treasure trove. But for me it is the best place on the whole island.
Sister O had already gone back to work. She motioned toward the key and turned a page of the book in front of her. I think more often than not she forgets to go to supper.
I lifted down the key. It is as long as my hand and ornately decorated. I always hold it in the same way, with a firm grip on its elegant handle. I waved Jai out and shut the door quietly behind me. Then I grinned. I could not help it. I get the same feeling of jittery excitement every time.
The treasure chamber is in Knowledge House, past our classrooms, at the far end of the long, echoing stone corridor. In the evenings the house is empty and the doors to the classrooms are closed. Ennike asked me once how I dare go there alone after sundown when the house is empty and still. It had never occurred to me to be scared. I did not know what there would be to fear.
This was the first time I had been there in the evening with somebody else, and it bothered me. We rarely get to be alone at the Abbey. My time in the treasure chamber was the only time all day that was totally and utterly my own. But I was trying to be kind to Jai. She probably will not even want to stay once she has seen it, I thought, maybe she will find an Abbey cat to play with or another novice to talk to. Though she did not exactly seem talkative.
Like all the rooms in Knowledge House, the treasure chamber has double doors that are tall and narrow. They are made of a reddish-brown wood sanded and polished to a shine. Sister O takes care of them herself. She is there several times per moon with a ladder, a jar of beeswax, and a big, soft rag, rubbing and polishing. It certainly is not one of her official duties, as I understood when I heard Sister Loeni tut in that disapproving way of hers. But I understand why Sister O does it. Some doors shut you out, some keep secrets, and others keep something dangerous locked in. These doors form a comforting, protective barrier around the treasure chamber. I would happily help Sister O polish their beautiful grain. One day I will ask her.
I put the key in the lock and the honey-scented doors swung open without a sound.
Jai gasped.
The treasure chamber is a long, narrow room. Both the long walls are covered with shelves from floor to ceiling. On the short wall at the far end there is a high, narrow window that lets the evening sun stream in. It is the highest window I have ever seen, and it has twenty-one panes of glass. The sunlight falls softly over the spines of all the thousands of books on the shelves, and I usually simply stand there a moment, breathing in the scent of dust and parchments and bliss. It is the best part of the day. It makes everything worth it: living here, away from my family, far from our lush valley between the towering hills. Lying in bed night after night with a pining in my heart. Eating porridge all those gray winter mornings. Being scolded by the sisters and told off by the older novices before I knew how things were done, what to do and what not to do. Barely understanding people speaking around me for a whole year. All of that and much more is worth it just to stand there filled with anticipation and a sort of yearning, but a good one. A yearning that makes my cheeks flush and my heartbeat quicken.
Jai walked up to one of the shelves. She stroked the spines of the books reverently with the tips of her fingers and then turned to me.
"I did not know so many books existed in the whole world!"
"Neither did I before I came here. Can you read?"
Jai nodded. "My mother taught me." She tilted her head back and ran her eyes all the way up to the top of the shelves. "So many …" she repeated in awe.
"You can read any book you want. Although those scrolls at the top are old and fragile so you can only touch them under Sister O's supervision."
I could not contain myself any longer. Jai could take care of herself. I went to pick out the book I had been reading the night before, and another, and another. I carried them to one of the desks by the window where I can read in the light that falls over my shoulder. There are oil lamps around the room but I am not allowed to light them. It does not matter, though, because the window catches the dusky sunlight long into the evening, and, besides, I have sharp young eyes. I can read even when it grows dark. Once I got so lost in my reading that I did not know evening thanks had started and only realized how late it was when I saw Sister O looking at me from the doorway. I did not know how long she had been standing there and I jumped up, gushing apologies like a fountain, and ran around putting all the books back, my heart fluttering like a startled bird. Sister O watched me in silence, which frightened me more than her usual curt words. But when I came closer I saw that her thin lips were drawn up in a little smile and her eyes were warm. She stroked my hair. It was the first time anyone had done that since I had left my own mother. A lump in my throat prevented me from speaking. She tucked a stray lock of my brown hair back behind my ear and gave me a soft pat on the cheek. Then we left together, I locked the doors behind us and handed her the key. She led me out of Knowledge House to the Temple of the Rose, where she helped me sneak in unnoticed and I managed to avoid a scolding. That time at least.
After that Sister O was just as strict with me as before, but I was not so afraid of her. One time when I came to her chamber she was so deeply absorbed in her reading that she did not even notice I was there. Her headscarf was completely crooked and she scratched her gray hair absentmindedly with one hand while slowly turning the pages of her book with the other. And then I knew. She was just like me.
I opened the book ravenously and began reading. The room was completely silent. Outside I could hear the sea's eternal whisper and the calls of a seabird. I read for a long time. Only when I had finished the first book and picked up a second did I remember about Jai. I looked up.
She was sitting in a patch of sun on the floor with a book open on her lap. The book was so big that her legs were hidden beneath it. The evening sun drifted slowly across the floor, and when eventually it fell away from the pages of the book she shuffled laboriously back into the light without getting up. Her neck remained softly tilted downward. When it was time to put the books away and go to evening thanks, I had to tell her several times before she heard me.
After that I was never alone in the treasure chamber in the evenings. I soon got used to Jai's presence because she was as quiet as a mouse and always did as I asked. It was not long before it felt as though we had always been there together.