On Saturday morning, Avery purged her apartment.
Boxes of photos were sifted through, along with newspaper articles from the time when she'd defended Howard Randall; clothing she'd worn as an attorney, everything from her past life-a life that no longer defined her. She kept photos of Rose, clothing that had special meaning, but most of it went into the trash.
Lights were turned on-all of them, which she'd never done before-and when she viewed the painted walls and the carpet and kitchen, she thought: you bought this place after Randall and right before you became a cop; it still reeks of your misery from that time. Just like you, this place needs to change.
It's time, she realized, to sell it. To move on. To buy a new place in town, maybe somewhere closer to Rose-if she'd let her.
Avery stood out on her porch and stared at the sky and realized there was still something she had to do, something that would really put an end to the past.
She grabbed her car keys and headed out.
The ride to the South Bay House of Corrections was easy for her now; she'd made the trip so many times. She made a call on the way to reserve an appointment with Howard Randall.
"You can't make appointments on the day of," the woman said.
"This is a big step for me," Avery replied. "I'm making an appointment."
"I'm sorry, but we…"
Avery hung up.
At the prison, the guards were quick to congratulate her on finding-and stopping-what had become known as the College Girl Killer. Once again, the female officer inside her green booth was annoyed that Avery hadn't made an appointment, but she recognized her from previous pictures, and now, from the papers.
"You stopped that killer, right?"
"Yeah," Avery said with pride, "I did."
"OK, no appointment needed for you today. Nice work."
Howard Randall had a smile on his face when Avery was led into the conference room in the basement. Hands were cuffed and steepled on the table.
"Congratulations," he said.
"Thanks," Avery replied.
He seemed older than she remembered, and not as powerful. The power he'd had over her life was now, surprisingly, almost gone.
She took a seat.
"I've wanted to say something for a while now," she said. "I've never told this to anyone but, I knew." Her blue eyes gazed deeply into his. "I knew you were guilty when I took your case. Not completely. I mean, you put on a good show but, I had this feeling that everything was about to fall apart because of you."
Randall leaned forward.
Genuine tears glossed his eyes.
"I know," he whispered.
"How could you have known?"
"I was caught," Randall said. "There was no denying the connections: they were both students. We'd had lunches and dinners together many times. The murders were presented on campus. One of them had kept a journal. However," he said with a sly smile, "I was certain I could convince a jury of my innocence, a lie detector test, a lawyer, anyone, because you see, Avery, I don't believe in your concepts of right and wrong. The murder of those two students was right in my mind. It would ultimately help them, and the world. Therefore, I was innocent of any wrongdoing, any crime. I was prepared to be set free and to continue my work, only smarter. That is, until I met you."
A sigh escaped him.
"What did I see?" he wondered. "A beautiful woman, lost and in desperate need of salvation. You believed you were doing right. You believed you were doing good, and that belief-that false belief-was eating you alive. You couldn't see it, but I could. The only way I knew how…was to show you. To tear down the lie and force you to face the rubble of your life."
"Why?" Avery whispered. "Why me?"
"Isn't it obvious?" Howard said. "I love you, Avery."
The declaration was too much for Avery to handle. She turned away and shook her head.
Love? He destroyed you. Did he? she wondered. Or did he free you from that path you were on? No, she assured herself. He's a killer, a manipulator; no good can come from someone like him. And yet, she was happier now than she'd ever been. The dark gloom that had followed her during her rookie years as a cop had lifted. Her past life as an attorney was now understood for what it had been: a desperate move to escape her former life and be someone she'd never truly enjoyed being in the first place.
Avery stood up to leave.
"Don't go," Howard begged. "Please. Not yet."
"What else do you want?"
"You never finished your story," Howard whispered, and a twisted smile formed on his lips, and his eyes were shiny beads.
"My father?" she asked. "You want to know what happened?"
Silently, Howard watched her.
Avery turned away. This part of the story she had never relayed to anyone, not Jack or Rose or the reporters that had interviewed her as a young girl. She remembered her mother's legs in the grass, and the blood on her dress, and her father, standing overhead with the shotgun in his hand.
She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and prepared to face her deepest demons. She wasn't sure if she was ready.
"I heard them yelling," she began, her voice tremulous.
Then she paused for a good minute before continuing.
"Before the shots," she added. "He was calling her a whore, a worthless, drunken whore, and she was saying vile things to him," she whispered and glanced at Howard for only a moment. "Vile things. Then I heard the shot and saw him there. He laughed, he actually laughed at me, like it was some joke that I'd shown up. He said: 'Go get me a shovel. You have to bury your mother.'"
Avery faced him with tears in her eyes.
"And he made me do it," she said. "I was there until nightfall. I dug that hole all by myself. My arms were shaking, my legs were black with dirt. I honestly thought that whole time that he was going to shoot me and throw me in there with her. I was so scared. Every second felt like an eternity. It was very dark when I was done. No lights anywhere except for the stars. He watched me the entire time. 'Good job,' he said when I was done, and he touched me, he touched me like he'd done before, only this time he was harder, more forceful. I guess now that he'd taken care of my mother, he thought he could finally have his way with me."
She looked up and sucked in a deep breath.
"That's when I left," she said. "That very night I ran away from home. Police found me and tried to take me back. I told them, I told them everything. A few months later, I was a ward of the state and assigned to a family. You don't want to know about that time," she said. "In some ways, it was worse than with my father."
"I do want to know, Avery," he whispered like a craving alcoholic that only wanted one more drink, "I do."
In that moment, Avery saw him for what he truly was: the ugliness, his shriveled features and demonic stare. He reminded her of the story of the butterfly and the cocoon. He was more like the caterpillar in the story, she realized, a slimy, odd creature that was capable of transforming into a beautiful butterfly, but never had.
"You've helped me," she said, with true affection. "In my life, and on the case. I won't be coming back. I don't need to anymore."
Howard leaned back and slowly, demonically, he broke into a grin. But unlike the other times, it was a weak grin, one that showed a crack in his confidence, that showed that he was no longer so sure.
"Oh, you will," he said. "You will."
* * *
Outside the prison the sky was overcast, the first cloudy day in over a week. Since the first day of the case, Avery had longed for rain, longed for clouds to match her mood. Now, she didn't even care.
As Avery walked across the vast parking lot toward her car, she felt lighter than she'd ever had. For the first time in a long time, nothing seemed to matter. In fact, the cooler air and dark clouds felt good: the start of something new.
She stopped and took in the cool breeze, and for the first time in the longest time she felt she had a life ahead of her.
COMING SOON!
Book #2 in the Avery Black mystery series!
In the meantime, please enjoy ONCE GONE, book #1 in the RILEY PAIGE mystery series!
Women are turning up dead in the rural outskirts of Virginia, killed in grotesque ways, and when the FBI is called in, they are stumped. A serial killer is out there, his frequency increasing, and they know there is only one agent good enough to crack this case: Special Agent Riley Paige.
Riley is on paid leave herself, recovering from her encounter with her last serial killer, and, fragile as she is, the FBI is reluctant to tap her brilliant mind. Yet Riley, needing to battle her own demons, comes on board, and her hunt leads her through the disturbing subculture of doll collectors, into the homes of broken families, and into the darkest canals of the killer's mind. As Riley peels back the layers, she realizes she is up against a killer more twisted than she could have imagined. In a frantic race against time, she finds herself pushed to her limit, her job on the line, her own family in danger, and her fragile psyche collapsing.
Yet once Riley Paige takes on a case, she will not quit. It obsesses her, leading her to the darkest corners of her own mind, blurring the lines between hunter and hunted. After a series of unexpected twists, her instincts lead her to a shocking climax that even Riley could not have imagined.
A dark psychological thriller with heart-pounding suspense, ONCE GONE marks the debut of a riveting new series-and a beloved new character-that will leave you turning pages late into the night.
Book #2 in the Riley Paige series is now available!