"Pooh--pooh! don't stir," said Lady Drum: "it's my carriage; and if Mr. Preston chooses to swear at a lady of my years in that ojous vulgar way--in that ojous vulgar way I repeat--I don't see why my friends should be inconvenienced for him. Let him sit on the dicky if he likes, or come in and ride bodkin." It was quite clear that my Lady Drum hated her grandson-in-law heartily; and I've remarked somehow in families that this kind of hatred is by no means uncommon.
Mr. Preston, one of His Majesty's Secretaries of State, was, to tell the truth, in a great fright upon his horse, and was glad to get away from the kicking plunging brute. His pale face looked still paler than before, and his hands and legs trembled, as he dismounted from the cob and gave the reins to his servant. Idisliked the looks of the chap--of the master, I mean--at the first moment he came up, when he spoke rudely to that nice gentle wife of his; and I thought he was a cowardly fellow, as the adventure of the cob showed him to be. Heaven bless you! a baby could have ridden it; and here was the man with his soul in his mouth at the very first kick.
"Oh, quick! DO come in, Edmund," said Lady Fanny, laughing; and the carriage steps being let down, and giving me a great scowl as he came in, he was going to place himself in Lady Fanny's corner (Iwarrant you I wouldn't budge from mine), when the little rogue cried out, "Oh, no! by no means, Mr. Preston. Shut the door, Thomas. And oh! what fun it will be to show all the world a Secretary of State riding bodkin!"And pretty glum the Secretary of State looked, I assure you!
"Take my place, Edmund, and don't mind Fanny's folly," said Lady Jane, timidly.
"Oh no! Pray, madam, don't stir! I'm comfortable, very comfortable; and so I hope is this Mr.--this gentleman.""Perfectly, I assure you," says I. "I was going to offer to ride your horse home for you, as you seemed to be rather frightened at it; but the fact was, I was so comfortable here that really ICOULDN'T move."
Such a grin as old Lady Drum gave when I said that!--how her little eyes twinkled, and her little sly mouth puckered up! I couldn't help speaking, for, look you, my blood was up.
"We shall always be happy of your company, Cousin Titmarsh," says she; and handed me a gold snuff-box, out of which I took a pinch, and sneezed with the air of a lord.
"As you have invited this gentleman into your carriage, Lady Jane Preston, hadn't you better invite him home to dinner?" says Mr.
Preston, quite blue with rage.
"I invited him into my carriage," says the old lady; "and as we are going to dine at your house, and you press it, I'm sure I shall be very happy to see him there.""I'm very sorry I'm engaged," said I.
"Oh, indeed, what a pity!" says Right Honourable Ned, still glowering at his wife. "What a pity that this gentleman--I forget his name--that your friend, Lady Jane, is engaged! I am sure you would have had such gratification in meeting your relation in Whitehall."Lady Drum was over-fond of finding out relations to be sure; but this speech of Right Honourable Ned's was rather too much. "Now, Sam," says I, "be a man and show your spirit!" So I spoke up at once, and said, "Why, ladies, as the right honourable gent is so VERY pressing, I'll give up my engagement, and shall have sincere pleasure in cutting mutton with him. What's your hour, sir?"He didn't condescend to answer, and for me I did not care; for, you see, I did not intend to dine with the man, but only to give him a lesson of manners. For though I am but a poor fellow, and hear people cry out how vulgar it is to eat peas with a knife, or ask three times for cheese, and such like points of ceremony, there's something, I think, much more vulgar than all this, and that is, insolence to one's inferiors. I hate the chap that uses it, as Iscorn him of humble rank that affects to be of the fashion; and so I determined to let Mr. Preston know a piece of my mind.
When the carriage drove up to his house, I handed out the ladies as politely as possible, and walked into the hall, and then, taking hold of Mr. Preston's button at the door, I said, before the ladies and the two big servants--upon my word I did--"Sir," says I, "this kind old lady asked me into her carriage, and I rode in it to please her, not myself. When you came up and asked who the devil Iwas, I thought you might have put the question in a more polite manner; but it wasn't my business to speak. When, by way of a joke, you invited me to dinner, I thought I would answer in a joke too, and here I am. But don't be frightened; I'm not a-going to dine with you: only if you play the same joke upon other parties--on some of the chaps in our office, for example--I recommend you to have a care, or they will TAKE YOU AT YOUR WORD.""Is that all, sir?" says Mr. Preston, still in a rage. "If you have done, will you leave this house, or shall my servants turn you out? Turn out this fellow! do you hear me?" and he broke away from me, and flung into his study in a rage.
"He's an ojous horrid monsther of a man, that husband of yours!"said Lady Drum, seizing hold of her elder grand-daughter's arm, "and I hate him; and so come away, for the dinner'll be getting cold:" and she was for hurrying away Lady Jane without more ado.