Sometimes--very often, in fact--the act follows the intention after such a wide interval of time that one wonders how Henry could fit one act out of a hundred to one intention out of a hundred and get the thing right every time when there was such abundant choice among acts and intentions.Sometimes a man offends the Deity with a crime, and is punished for it thirty years later; meantime he was committed a million other crimes:
no matter, Henry can pick out the one that brought the worms.
Worms were generally used in those days for the slaying of particularly wicked people.This has gone out, now, but in old times it was a favorite.It always indicated a case of "wrath."For instance:
...the just God avenging Robert Fitzhilderbrand's perfidy, a worm grew in his vitals, which gradually gnawing its way through his intestines fattened on the abandoned man till, tortured with excruciating sufferings and venting himself in bitter moans, he was by a fitting punishment brought to his end.
--(P.400.)
It was probably an alligator, but we cannot tell; we only know it was a particular breed, and only used to convey wrath.
Some authorities think it was an ichthyosaurus, but there is much doubt.
However, one thing we do know; and that is that that worm had been due years and years.Robert F.had violated a monastery once;he had committed unprintable crimes since, and they had been permitted--under disapproval--but the ravishment of the monastery had not been forgotten nor forgiven, and the worm came at last.
Why were these reforms put off in this strange way? What was to be gained by it? Did Henry of Huntington really know his facts, or was he only guessing? Sometimes I am half persuaded that he is only a guesser, and not a good one.The divine wisdom must surely be of the better quality than he makes it out to be.
Five hundred years before Henry's time some forecasts of the Lord's purposes were furnished by a pope, who perceived, by certain perfectly trustworthy signs furnished by the Deity for the information of His familiars, that the end of the world was...about to come.But as this end of the world draws near many things are at hand which have not before happened, as changes in the air, terrible signs in the heavens, tempests out of the common order of the seasons, wars, famines, pestilences, earthquakes in various places; all which will not happen in our days, but after our days all will come to pass.
Still, the end was so near that these signs were "sent before that we may be careful for our souls and be found prepared to meet the impending judgment."That was thirteen hundred years ago.This is really no improvement on the work of the Roman augurs.
-------------------------------------------------------------------A SIMPLIFIED ALPHABET
(This article, written during the autumn of 1899, was about the last writing done by Mark Twain on any impersonal subject.)I have had a kindly feeling, a friendly feeling, a cousinly feeling toward Simplified Spelling, from the beginning of the movement three years ago, but nothing more inflamed than that.
It seemed to me to merely propose to substitute one inadequacy for another; a sort of patching and plugging poor old dental relics with cement and gold and porcelain paste; what was really needed was a new set of teeth.That is to say, a new ALPHABET.
The heart of our trouble is with our foolish alphabet.It doesn't know how to spell, and can't be taught.In this it is like all other alphabets except one--the phonographic.This is the only competent alphabet in the world.It can spell and correctly pronounce any word in our language.
That admirable alphabet, that brilliant alphabet, that inspired alphabet, can be learned in an hour or two.In a week the student can learn to write it with some little facility, and to read it with considerable ease.I know, for I saw it tried in a public school in Nevada forty-five years ago, and was so impressed by the incident that it has remained in my memory ever since.
I wish we could adopt it in place of our present written (and printed) character.I mean SIMPLY the alphabet; simply the consonants and the vowels--I don't mean any REDUCTIONS or abbreviations of them, such as the shorthand writer uses in order to get compression and speed.No, I would SPELL EVERY WORD OUT.
I will insert the alphabet here as I find it in Burnz's PHONIC SHORTHAND.[Figure 1] It is arranged on the basis of Isaac Pitman's PHONOGRAPHY.Isaac Pitman was the originator and father of scientific phonography.It is used throughout the globe.It was a memorable invention.He made it public seventy-three years ago.The firm of Isaac Pitman & Sons, New York, still exists, and they continue the master's work.
What should we gain?
First of all, we could spell DEFINITELY--and correctly--any word you please, just by the SOUND of it.We can't do that with our present alphabet.For instance, take a simple, every-day word PHTHISIS.If we tried to spell it by the sound of it, we should make it TYSIS, and be laughed at by every educated person.
Secondly, we should gain in REDUCTION OF LABOR in writing.
Simplified Spelling makes valuable reductions in the case of several hundred words, but the new spelling must be LEARNED.You can't spell them by the sound; you must get them out of the book.
But even if we knew the simplified form for every word in the language, the phonographic alphabet would still beat the Simplified Speller "hands down" in the important matter of economy of labor.I will illustrate:
PRESENT FORM: through, laugh, highland.
SIMPLIFIED FORM: thru, laff, hyland.
PHONOGRAPHIC FORM: [Figure 2]
To write the word "through," the pen has to make twenty-one strokes.
To write the word "thru," then pen has to make twelve strokes--a good saving.
To write that same word with the phonographic alphabet, the pen has to make only THREE strokes.
To write the word "laugh," the pen has to make FOURTEENstrokes.
To write "laff," the pen has to make the SAME NUMBER of strokes--no labor is saved to the penman.