Conjectures as to the meaning of her hints, and uncomfortable thoughts connected with that strange laughter, filled my mind.Icould hardly sleep.I rose early; and long before the hour I had appointed, I was on the path over the common that led to the old farm-house where they lodged.I suppose that Lucy had passed no better a night than I; for there she was also, slowly pacing with her even step, her eyes bent down, her whole look most saintly and pure.
She started when I came close to her, and grew paler as I reminded her of my appointment, and spoke with something of the impatience of obstacles that, seeing her once more, had called up afresh in my mind.All strange and terrible hints, and giddy merriment were forgotten.My heart gave forth words of fire, and my tongue uttered them.Her colour went and came, as she listened; but, when I had ended my passionate speeches, she lifted her soft eyes to me, and said -"But you know that you have something to learn about me yet.I only want to say this: I shall not think less of you--less well of you, Imean--if you, too, fall away from me when you know all.Stop!" said she, as if fearing another burst of mad words."Listen to me.My father is a man of great wealth.I never knew my mother; she must have died when I was very young.When first I remember anything, Iwas living in a great, lonely house, with my dear and faithful Mistress Clarke.My father, even, was not there; he was--he is--a soldier, and his duties lie aboard.But he came from time to time, and every time I think he loved me more and more.He brought me rarities from foreign lands, which prove to me now how much he must have thought of me during his absences.I can sit down and measure the depth of his lost love now, by such standards as these.I never thought whether he loved me or not, then; it was so natural, that it was like the air I breathed.Yet he was an angry man at times, even then; but never with me.He was very reckless, too; and, once or twice, I heard a whisper among the servants that a doom was over him, and that he knew it, and tried to drown his knowledge in wild activity, and even sometimes, sir, in wine.So I grew up in this grand mansion, in that lonely place.Everything around me seemed at my disposal, and I think every one loved me; I am sure I loved them.
Till about two years ago--I remember it well--my father had come to England, to us; and he seemed so proud and so pleased with me and all I had done.And one day his tongue seemed loosened with wine, and he told me much that I had not known till then,--how dearly he had loved my mother, yet how his wilful usage had caused her death; and then he went on to say how he loved me better than any creature on earth, and how, some day, he hoped to take me to foreign places, for that he could hardly bear these long absences from his only child.Then he seemed to change suddenly, and said, in a strange, wild way, that Iwas not to believe what he said; that there was many a thing he loved better--his horse--his dog--I know not what.