THE SADDEST OF ALL WORDS.
ON the tenth morning, dating from the dispatch of Father Benwell's last letter to Rome, Penrose was writing in the study at Ten Acres Lodge, while Romayne sat at the other end of the room, looking listlessly at a blank sheet of paper, with the pen lying idle beside it.On a sudden he rose, and, snatching up paper and pen, threw them irritably into the fire.
"Don't trouble yourself to write any longer," he said to Penrose.
"My dream is over.Throw my manuscripts into the waste paper basket, and never speak to me of literary work again.""Every man devoted to literature has these fits of despondency,"Penrose answered."Don't think of your work.Send for your horse, and trust to fresh air and exercise to relieve your mind."Romayne barely listened.He turned round at the fireplace and studied the reflection of his face in the glass.
"I look worse and worse," he said thoughtfully to himself.
It was true.His flesh had fallen away; his face had withered and whitened; he stooped like an old man.The change for the worse had been steadily proceeding from the time when he left Vange Abbey.
"It's useless to conceal it from me!" he burst out, turning toward Penrose."I believe I am in some way answerable--though you all deny it--for the French boy's death.Why not? His voice is still in my ears, and the stain of his brother's blood is on me.I am under a spell! Do you believe in the witches--the merciless old women who made wax images of the people who injured them, and stuck pins in their mock likenesses, to register the slow wasting away of their victims day after day? People disbelieve it in these times, but it has never been disproved."He stopped, looked at Penrose, and suddenly changed his tone.
"Arthur! what is the matter with you? Have you had a bad night?
Has anything happened?"
For the first time in Romayne's experience of him, Penrose answered evasively.
"Is there nothing to make me anxious," he said, "when I hear you talk as you are talking now? The poor French boy died of a fever.
Must I remind you again that he owed the happiest days of his life to you and your good wife?"Romayne still looked at him without attending to what he said.
"Surely you don't think I am deceiving you?" Penrose remonstrated.
"No; I was thinking of something else.I was wondering whether Ireally know you as well as I thought I did.Am I mistaken in supposing that you are not an ambitious man?""My only ambition is to lead a worthy life, and to be as useful to my fellow-creatures as I can.Does that satisfy you?"Romayne hesitated."It seems strange--" he began.
"What seems strange?"
"I don't say it seems strange that you should be a priest,"Romayne explained."I am only surprised that a man of your simple way of thinking should have attached himself to the Order of the Jesuits.""I can quite understand that," said Penrose."But you should remember that circumstances often influence a man in his choice of a vocation.It has been so with me.I am a member of a Roman Catholic family.A Jesuit College was near our place of abode, and a near relative of mine--since dead--was one of the resident priests." He paused, and added in a lower tone: "When I was little more than a lad I suffered a disappointment, which altered my character for life.I took refuge in the College, and I have found patience and peace of mind since that time.Oh, my friend, you might have been a more contented man--" He stopped again.His interest in the husband had all but deceived him into forgetting his promise to the wife.
Romayne held out his hand."I hope I have not thoughtlessly hurt you?" he said.
Penrose took the offered hand, and pressed it fervently.He tried to speak--and suddenly shuddered, like a man in pain."I am not very well this morning," he stammered; "a turn in the garden will do me good."Romayne's doubts were confirmed by the manner in which Penrose left him.Something had unquestionably happened, which his friend shrank from communicating to him.He sat down again at his desk and tried to read.The time passed--and he was still left alone.
When the door was at last opened it was only Stella who entered the room.
"Have you seen Penrose?" he asked.
The estrangement between them had been steadily widening of late.