As I approached the castle my emotions became so acutely painful that I had almost returned the way I came,without accomplishing the purpose for which I had gone thus far;and nothing but the conviction that my having been in the neighbourhood of Castle Connor without visiting its desolate mistress would render me justly liable to the severest censure,could overcome my reluctance to encountering the heavy task which was before me.Irecognised the old servant who opened the door,but he did not know me.I was completely changed;suffering of body and mind had altered me in feature and in bearing,as much as in character.I asked the man whether his mistress ever saw visitors.He answered:
'But seldom;perhaps,however,if she knew that an old friend wished to see her for a few minutes,she would gratify him so far.'
At the same time I placed my card in his hand,and requested him to deliver it to his mistress.He returned in a few moments,saying that his lady would be happy to see me in the parlour,and Iaccordingly followed him to the door,which he opened.I entered the room,and was in a moment at the side of my early friend and benefactress.I was too much agitated to speak;I could only hold the hands which she gave me,while,spite of every effort,the tears flowed fast and bitterly.
'It was kind,very,very kind of you to come to see me,'she said,with far more composure than I could have commanded;'I see it is very painful to you.'
I endeavoured to compose myself,and for a little time we remained silent;she was the first to speak:
'You will be surprised,Mr.Purcell,when you observe the calmness with which I can speak of him who was dearest to me,who is gone;but my thoughts are always with him,and the recollections of his love'--her voice faltered a little--'and the hope of meeting him hereafter enables me to bear existence.'
I said I know not what;something about resignation,I believe.
'I hope I am resigned;God made me more:so,'she said.'Oh,Mr.Purcell,Ihave often thought I loved my lost child TOO well.It was natural--he was my only child--he was--'She could not proceed for a few moments:'It was very natural that I should love him as I did;but it may have been sinful;I have often thought so.I doated upon him--I idolised him--Ithought too little of other holier affections;and God may have taken him from me,only to teach me,by this severe lesson,that I owed to heaven a larger share of my heart than to anything earthly.Icannot think of him now without more solemn feelings than if he were with me.
There is something holy in our thoughts of the dead;I feel it so.'After a pause,she continued--'Mr.Purcell,do you remember his features well?they were very beautiful.'I assured her that I did.
'Then you can tell me if you think this a faithful likeness.'She took from a drawer a case in which lay a miniature.I took it reverently from her hands;it was indeed very like--touchingly like.I told her so;and she seemed gratified.
As the evening was wearing fast,and I
had far to go,I hastened to terminate my visit,as I had intended,by placing in her hand a letter from her son to me,written during his sojourn upon the Continent.Irequested her to keep it;it was one in which he spoke much of her,and in terms of the tenderest affection.As she read its contents the heavy tears gathered in her eyes,and fell,one by one,upon the page;she wiped them away,but they still flowed fast and silently.It was in vain that she tried to read it;her eyes were filled with tears:so she folded the letter,and placed it in her bosom.I rose to depart,and she also rose.
'I will not ask you to delay your departure,'said she;'your visit here must have been a painful one to you.Icannot find words to thank you for the letter as I would wish,or for all your kindness.It has given me a pleasure greater than I thought could have fallen to the lot of a creature so very desolate as I am;may God bless you for it!'And thus we parted;I never saw Castle Connor or its solitary inmate more.
THE DRUNKARD'S DREAM.
Being a Fourth Extract from the Legacy of the late F.
Purcell,P.P.of Drumcoolagh.
'All this HE told with some confusion and Dismay,the usual consequence of dreams Of the unpleasant kind,with none at hand To expound their vain and visionary gleams,I've known some odd ones which seemed really planned Prophetically,as that which one deems "A strange coincidence,"to use a phrase By which such things are settled nowadays.'
BYRON.