'In love with me!'I exclaimed,in unfeigned astonishment.
'Yes,in love with you,'repeated my mother;'devotedly,distractedly in love with you.Why,my dear,what is there wonderful in it?Look in the glass,and look at these,'she continued,pointing with a smile to the jewels which I had just removed from my person,and which now lay a glittering heap upon the table.
'May there not,'said I,hesitating between confusion and real alarm--'is it not possible that some mistake may be at the bottom of all this?'
'Mistake,dearest!none,'said my mother.'None;none in the world.Judge for yourself;read this,my love.'And she placed in my hand a letter,addressed to herself,the seal of which was broken.Iread it through with no small surprise.
After some very fine complimentary flourishes upon my beauty and perfections,as also upon the antiquity and high reputation of our family,it went on to make a formal proposal of marriage,to be communicated or not to me at present,as my mother should deem expedient;and the letter wound up by a request that the writer might be permitted,upon our return to Ashtown House,which was soon to take place,as the spring was now tolerably advanced,to visit us for a few days,in case his suit was approved.
'Well,well,my dear,'said my mother,impatiently;'do you know who Lord Glenfallen is?'
'I do,madam,'said I rather timidly,for I dreaded an altercation with my mother.
'Well,dear,and what frightens you?' continued she.'Are you afraid of a title?
What has he done to alarm you?he is neither old nor ugly.'
I was silent,though I might have said,'He is neither young nor handsome.'
'My dear Fanny,'continued my mother,'in sober seriousness you have been most fortunate in engaging the affections of a nobleman such as Lord Glenfallen,young and wealthy,with first-rate--yes,acknowledged FIRST-RATE abilities,and of a family whose influence is not exceeded by that of any in Ireland.Of course you see the offer in the same light that I do--indeed I think you MUST.'
This was uttered in no very dubious tone.I was so much astonished by the suddenness of the whole communication that I literally did not know what to say.
'You are not in love?'said my mother,turning sharply,and fixing her dark eyes upon me with severe scrutiny.
'No,madam,'said I,promptly;horrified,as what young lady would not have been,at such a query.
'I'm glad to hear it,'said my mother,drily.'Once,nearly twenty years ago,a friend of mine consulted me as to how he should deal with a daughter who had made what they call a love-match--beggared herself,and disgraced her family;and I said,without hesitation,take no care for her,but cast her off.Such punishment Iawarded for an offence committed against the reputation of a family not my own;and what I advised respecting the child of another,with full as small compunction I would DO with mine.I cannot conceive anything more unreasonable or intolerable than that the fortune and the character of a family should be marred by the idle caprices of a girl.'
She spoke this with great severity,and paused as if she expected some observation from me.
I,however,said nothing.
'But I need not explain to you,my dear Fanny,'she continued,'my views upon this subject;you have always known them well,and I have never yet had reason to believe you likely,voluntarily,to offend me,or to abuse or neglect any of those advantages which reason and duty tell you should be improved.Come hither,my dear;kiss me,and do not look so frightened.Well,now,about this letter,you need not answer it yet;of course you must be allowed time to make up your mind.In the meantime Iwill write to his lordship to give him my permission to visit us at Ashtown.Good-night,my love.'
And thus ended one of the most disagreeable,not to say astounding,conversations I had ever had.It would not be easy to describe exactly what were my feelings towards Lord Glenfallen;--whatever might have been my mother's suspicions,my heart was perfectly disengaged--and hitherto,although I had not been made in the slightest degree acquainted with his real views,I had liked him very much,as an agreeable,well-informed man,whom I was always glad to meet in society.He had served in the navy in early life,and the polish which his manners received in his after intercourse with courts and cities had not served to obliterate that frankness of manner which belongs proverbially to the sailor.
Whether this apparent candour went deeper than the outward bearing,I was yet to learn.However,there was no doubt that,as far as I had seen of Lord Glenfallen,he was,though perhaps not so young as might have been desired in a lover,a singularly pleasing man;and whatever feeling unfavourable to him had found its way into my mind,arose altogether from the dread,not an unreasonable one,that constraint might be practised upon my inclinations.I reflected,however,that Lord Glenfallen was a wealthy man,and one highly thought of;and although Icould never expect to love him in the romantic sense of the term,yet I had no doubt but that,all things considered,Imight be more happy with him than I could hope to be at home.
When next I met him it was with no small embarrassment,his tact and good breeding,however,soon reassured me,and effectually prevented my awkwardness being remarked upon.And I had the satisfaction of leaving Dublin for the country with the full conviction that nobody,not even those most intimate with me,even suspected the fact of Lord Glenfallen's having made me a formal proposal.
This was to me a very serious subject of self-gratulation,for,besides my instinctive dread of becoming the topic of the speculations of gossip,I felt that if the situation which I occupied in relation to him were made publicly known,I should stand committed in a manner which would scarcely leave me the power of retraction.