"Well! I'll tell you the whole truth," pursued his wife, penitently, "and then perhaps you will. I felt all this, so much, when I was trudging about in the cold, and when I saw a lot of other calculating faces and large baskets trudging about, too, that I began to think whether I mightn't have done better, and been happier, if - I - hadn't - " the wedding-ring went round again, and Mrs. Tetterby shook her downcast head as she turned it.
"I see," said her husband quietly; "if you hadn't married at all, or if you had married somebody else?""Yes," sobbed Mrs. Tetterby. "That's really what I thought. Do you hate me now, 'Dolphus?""Why no," said Mr. Tetterby. "I don't find that I do, as yet."Mrs. Tetterby gave him a thankful kiss, and went on.
"I begin to hope you won't, now, 'Dolphus, though I'm afraid Ihaven't told you the worst. I can't think what came over me. Idon't know whether I was ill, or mad, or what I was, but I couldn't call up anything that seemed to bind us to each other, or to reconcile me to my fortune. All the pleasures and enjoyments we had ever had - THEY seemed so poor and insignificant, I hated them. I could have trodden on them. And I could think of nothing else, except our being poor, and the number of mouths there were at home.""Well, well, my dear," said Mr. Tetterby, shaking her hand encouragingly, "that's truth, after all. We ARE poor, and there ARE a number of mouths at home here.""Ah! but, Dolf, Dolf!" cried his wife, laying her hands upon his neck, "my good, kind, patient fellow, when I had been at home a very little while - how different! Oh, Dolf, dear, how different it was! I felt as if there was a rush of recollection on me, all at once, that softened my hard heart, and filled it up till it was bursting. All our struggles for a livelihood, all our cares and wants since we have been married, all the times of sickness, all the hours of watching, we have ever had, by one another, or by the children, seemed to speak to me, and say that they had made us one, and that I never might have been, or could have been, or would have been, any other than the wife and mother I am. Then, the cheap enjoyments that I could have trodden on so cruelly, got to be so precious to me - Oh so priceless, and dear! - that I couldn't bear to think how much I had wronged them; and I said, and say again a hundred times, how could I ever behave so, 'Dolphus, how could Iever have the heart to do it!" The good woman, quite carried away by her honest tenderness and remorse, was weeping with all her heart, when she started up with a scream, and ran behind her husband. Her cry was so terrified, that the children started from their sleep and from their beds, and clung about her. Nor did her gaze belie her voice, as she pointed to a pale man in a black cloak who had come into the room.
"Look at that man! Look there! What does he want?""My dear," returned her husband, "I'll ask him if you'll let me go. What's the matter! How you shake!"
"I saw him in the street, when I was out just now. He looked at me, and stood near me. I am afraid of him.""Afraid of him! Why?"
"I don't know why - I - stop! husband!" for he was going towards the stranger. She had one hand pressed upon her forehead, and one upon her breast; and there was a peculiar fluttering all over her, and a hurried unsteady motion of her eyes, as if she had lost something.
"Are you ill, my dear?"
"What is it that is going from me again?" she muttered, in a low voice. "What IS this that is going away?"Then she abruptly answered: "Ill? No, I am quite well," and stood looking vacantly at the floor. Her husband, who had not been altogether free from the infection of her fear at first, and whom the present strangeness of her manner did not tend to reassure, addressed himself to the pale visitor in the black cloak, who stood still, and whose eyes were bent upon the ground.
"What may be your pleasure, sir," he asked, "with us?""I fear that my coming in unperceived," returned the visitor, "has alarmed you; but you were talking and did not hear me.""My little woman says - perhaps you heard her say it," returned Mr. Tetterby, "that it's not the first time you have alarmed her to-night."
"I am sorry for it. I remember to have observed her, for a few moments only, in the street. I had no intention of frightening her."As he raised his eyes in speaking, she raised hers. It was extraordinary to see what dread she had of him, and with what dread he observed it - and yet how narrowly and closely.
"My name," he said, "is Redlaw. I come from the old college hard by. A young gentleman who is a student there, lodges in your house, does he not?""Mr. Denham?" said Tetterby.
"Yes." It was a natural action, and so slight as to be hardly noticeable;but the little man, before speaking again, passed his hand across his forehead, and looked quickly round the room, as though he were sensible of some change in its atmosphere. The Chemist, instantly transferring to him the look of dread he had directed towards the wife, stepped back, and his face turned paler.