"You sold a story last week," said Pettit, "about a gun fight in an Arizona mining town in which the hero drew his Colt's .45 and shot seven bandits as fast as they came in the door. Now, if a six-shooter could -- "
"Oh, well," said I, "that's different. Arizona is a long way from New York. I could have a man stabbed with a lariat or chased by a pair of chap- arreras if I wanted to, and it wouldn't be noticed until the usual error-sharp from around McAdams Junction isolates the erratum and writes in to the pa- pers about it. But you are up against another proposition. This thing they call love is as common around New York as it is in Sheboygan during the young onion season. It may be mixed here with a little commercialism -- they read Byron, but they look up Bradstreet's, too, while they're among the B's, and Brigham also if they have time -- but it's pretty much the same old internal disturbance every- where. You can fool an editor with a fake picture of a cowboy mounting a pony with his left hand on the saddle horn, but you can't put him up a tree with a love story. So, you've got to fall in love and then write the real thing."
Pettit did. I never knew whether he was taking my advice or whether be fell an accidental victim.
There was a girl be had met at one of these studio contrivances - a glorious, impudent, lucid, open- minded girl with hair the color of Culmbacher, and a good-natured way of despising you. She was a New York girl.
Well (as the narrative style permits us to say in- frequently), Pettit went to pieces. All those pains, those lover's doubts, those heart-burnings and tremors of which be had written so unconvincingly were his. Talk about Shylock's pound of flesh!
Twenty-five pounds Cupid got from Pettit. Which is the usurer?
One night Pettit came to my room exalted. Pale and haggard but exalted. She had given him a jonquil.
"Old Hoss," said he, with a new smile flickering around his mouth, "I believe I could write that story to-night -- the one, you know, that is to win out.
"I can feel it. I don't know whether it will come out or not, but I can feel it."
I pushed him out of my door. "Go to your room and write it," I ordered. "Else I can see your fin- ish. I told you this must come first. Write it to- night and put it under my door when it is done. Put it under my door to-night when it is finished -- don't keep it until to-morrow."
I was reading my bully old pal Montaigne at two o'clock when I beard the sheets rustle under my door.
I gathered them up and read the story.
The hissing of geese, the languishing cooing of doves, the braying of donkeys, the chatter of irre- sponsible sparrows - these were in my mind's ear as I read. "Suffering Sappho!" I exclaimed to myself.
"Is this the divine fire that is supposed to ignite genius and make it practicable and wage-earning?"
The story was sentimental drivel, full of whim- pering softheartedness and gushing egoism. All the art that Pettit had acquired was gone. A pe- rusal of its buttery phrases would have made a cynic of a sighing chambermaid.
In the morning Pettit came to my room. I read him his doom mercilessly. He laughed idiotically.
"All right, Old Hoss," he said, cheerily, "make cigar-lighters of it. What's the difference? I'm going to take her to lunch at Claremont to-day."