October 30.--As my sister's grief for her mother becomes more and more calmed,her love for M.de la Feste begins to reassume its former absorbing command of her.She thinks of him incessantly,and writes whole treatises to him by way of letters.Her blank disappointment at his announcement of his inability to pay us a visit quite so soon as he had promised,was quite tragic.I,too,am disappointed,for I wanted to see and estimate him.But having arranged to go to Holland to seize some aerial effects for his pictures,which are only to be obtained at this time of the autumn,he is obliged to postpone his journey this way,which is now to be made early in the new year.I think myself that he ought to have come at all sacrifices,considering Caroline's recent loss,the sad postponement of what she was looking forward to,and her single-minded affection for him.Still,who knows;his professional success is important.Moreover,she is cheerful,and hopeful,and the delay will soon be overpast.
CHAPTER IV.--SHE BEHOLDS THE ATTRACTIVE STRANGERFebruary 16.--We have had such a dull life here all the winter that Ihave found nothing important enough to set down,and broke off my journal accordingly.I resume it now to make an entry on the subject of dear Caroline's future.It seems that she was too grieved,immediately after the loss of our mother,to answer definitely the question of M.de la Feste how long the postponement was to be;then,afterwards,it was agreed that the matter should be discussed on his autumn visit;but as he did not come,it has remained in abeyance till this week,when Caroline,with the greatest simplicity and confidence,has written to him without any further pressure on his part,and told him that she is quite ready to fix the time,and will do so as soon as he arrives to see her.She is a little frightened now,lest it should seem forward in her to have revived the subject of her own accord;but she may assume that his question has been waiting on for an answer ever since,and that she has,therefore,acted only within her promise.In truth,the secret at the bottom of it all is that she is somewhat saddened because he has not latterly reminded her of the pause in their affairs--that,in short,his original impatience to possess her is not now found to animate him so obviously.I suppose that he loves her as much as ever;indeed,I am sure he must do so,seeing how lovable she is.It is mostly thus with all men when women are out of their sight;they grow negligent.
Caroline must have patience,and remember that a man of his genius has many and important calls upon his time.In justice to her I must add that she does remember it fairly well,and has as much patience as any girl ever had in the circumstances.He hopes to come at the beginning of April at latest.Well,when he comes we shall see him.
April 5.--I think that what M.de la Feste writes is reasonable enough,though Caroline looks heart-sick about it.It is hardly worth while for him to cross all the way to England and back just now,while the sea is so turbulent,seeing that he will be obliged,in any event,to come in May,when he has to be in London for professional purposes,at which time he can take us easily on his way both coming and going.When Caroline becomes his wife she will be more practical,no doubt;but she is such a child as yet that there is no contenting her with reasons.However,the time will pass quickly,there being so much to do in preparing a trousseau for her,which must now be put in hand in order that we may have plenty of leisure to get it ready.On no account must Caroline be married in half-mourning;I am sure that mother,could she know,would not wish it,and it is odd that Caroline should be so intractably persistent on this point,when she is usually so yielding.
April 30.--This month has flown on swallow's wings.We are in a great state of excitement--I as much as she--I cannot quite tell why.
He is really coming in ten days,he says.
May 9.Four p.m.--I am so agitated I can scarcely write,and yet am particularly impelled to do so before leaving my room.It is the unexpected shape of an expected event which has caused my absurd excitement,which proves me almost as much a school-girl as Caroline.
M.de la Feste was not,as we understood,to have come till to-morrow;but he is here--just arrived.All household directions have devolved upon me,for my father,not thinking M.de la Feste would appear before us for another four-and-twenty hours,left home before post time to attend a distant consecration;and hence Caroline and Iwere in no small excitement when Charles's letter was opened,and we read that he had been unexpectedly favoured in the dispatch of his studio work,and would follow his letter in a few hours.We sent the covered carriage to meet the train indicated,and waited like two newly strung harps for the first sound of the returning wheels.At last we heard them on the gravel;and the question arose who was to receive him.It was,strictly speaking,my duty;but I felt timid;Icould not help shirking it,and insisted that Caroline should go down.She did not,however,go near the door as she usually does when anybody is expected,but waited palpitating in the drawing-room.
He little thought when he saw the silent hall,and the apparently deserted house,how that house was at the very same moment alive and throbbing with interest under the surface.I stood at the back of the upper landing,where nobody could see me from downstairs,and heard him walk across the hall--a lighter step than my father's--and heard him then go into the drawing-room,and the servant shut the door behind him and go away.