'Having taken this startling step she began to reflect upon her reasons.He had been one of that tragic Committee the sound of whose name was a horror to the civilized world;yet he had been only one of several members,and,it seemed,not the most active.He had marked down names on principle,had felt no personal enmity against his victims,and had enriched himself not a sou out of the office he had held.Nothing could change the past.Meanwhile he loved her,and her heart inclined to as much of him as she could detach from that past.Why not,as he had suggested,bury memories,and inaugurate a new era by this union?In other words,why not indulge her tenderness,since its nullification could do no good.
'Thus she held self-communion in her seat in the coach,passing through Casterbridge,and Shottsford,and on to the White Hart at Melchester,at which place the whole fabric of her recent intentions crumbled down.Better be staunch having got so far;let things take their course,and marry boldly the man who had so impressed her.How great he was;how small was she!And she had presumed to judge him!
Abandoning her place in the coach with the precipitancy that had characterized her taking it,she waited till the vehicle had driven off,something in the departing shapes of the outside passengers against the starlit sky giving her a start,as she afterwards remembered.Presently the down coach,"The Morning Herald,"entered the city,and she hastily obtained a place on the top.
'"I'll be firm--I'll be his--if it cost me my immortal soul!"she said.And with troubled breathings she journeyed back over the road she had just traced.
'She reached our royal watering-place by the time the day broke,and her first aim was to get back to the hired room in which her last few days had been spent.When the landlady appeared at the door in response to Mademoiselle V--'s nervous summons,she explained her sudden departure and return as best she could;and no objection being offered to her re-engagement of the room for one day longer she ascended to the chamber and sat down panting.She was back once more,and her wild tergiversations were a secret from him whom alone they concerned.
'A sealed letter was on the mantelpiece."Yes,it is directed to you,Mademoiselle,"said the woman who had followed her."But we were wondering what to do with it.A town messenger brought it after you had gone last night."
'When the landlady had left,Mademoiselle V--opened the letter and read -"MY DEAR AND HONOURED FRIEND.--You have been throughout our acquaintance absolutely candid concerning your misgivings.But Ihave been reserved concerning mine.That is the difference between us.You probably have not guessed that every qualm you have felt on the subject of our marriage has been paralleled in my heart to the full.Thus it happened that your involuntary outburst of remorse yesterday,though mechanically deprecated by me in your presence,was a last item in my own doubts on the wisdom of our union,giving them a force that I could no longer withstand.I came home;and,on reflection,much as I honour and adore you,I decide to set you free.
"As one whose life has been devoted,and I may say sacrificed,to the cause of Liberty,I cannot allow your judgment (probably a permanent one)to be fettered beyond release by a feeling which may be transient only.
"It would be no less than excruciating to both that I should announce this decision to you by word of mouth.I have therefore taken the less painful course of writing.Before you receive this I shall have left the town by the evening coach for London,on reaching which city my movements will be revealed to none.
"Regard me,Mademoiselle,as dead,and accept my renewed assurances of respect,remembrance,and affection."
'When she had recovered from her shock of surprise and grief,she remembered that at the starting of the coach out of Melchester before dawn,the shape of a figure among the outside passengers against the starlit sky had caused her a momentary start,from its resemblance to that of her friend.Knowing nothing of each other's intentions,and screened from each other by the darkness,they had left the town by the same conveyance."He,the greater,persevered;I,the smaller,returned!"she said.
'Recovering from her stupor,Mademoiselle V--bethought herself again of her employer,Mrs.Newbold,whom recent events had estranged.To that lady she went with a full heart,and explained everything.Mrs.
Newbold kept to herself her opinion of the episode,and reinstalled the deserted bride in her old position as governess to the family.
'A governess she remained to the end of her days.After the final peace with France she became acquainted with my mother,to whom by degrees she imparted these experiences of hers.As her hair grew white,and her features pinched,Mademoiselle V--would wonder what nook of the world contained her lover,if he lived,and if by any chance she might see him again.But when,some time in the 'twenties,death came to her,at no great age,that outline against the stars of the morning remained as the last glimpse she ever obtained of her family's foe and her once affianced husband.'1895.
MASTER JOHN HORSELEIGH,KNIGHT
In the earliest and mustiest volume of the Havenpool marriage registers (said the thin-faced gentleman)this entry may still be read by any one curious enough to decipher the crabbed handwriting of the date.I took a copy of it when I was last there;and it runs thus (he had opened his pocket-book,and now read aloud the extract;afterwards handing round the book to us,wherein we saw transcribed the following)-Mastr John Horseleigh,Knyght,of the p'ysshe of Clyffton was maryd to Edith the wyffe late off John Stocker,m'chawnte of Havenpool the xiiij daje of December be p'vylegge gevyn by our sup'me hedd of the chyrche of Ingelonde Kynge Henry the viii th 1539.