Oh, I have been base, cowardly, I tell you; I have abjured my affections, and like all renegades I am of evil omen to those who surround me!""No, Mercedes," said Monte Cristo, "no; you judge yourself with too much severity.You are a noble-minded woman, and it was your grief that disarmed me.Still I was but an agent, led on by an invisible and offended Deity, who chose not to withhold the fatal blow that I was destined to hurl.I take that God to witness, at whose feet I have prostrated myself daily for the last ten years, that I would have sacrificed my life to you, and with my life the projects that were indissolubly linked with it.But -- and I say it with some pride, Mercedes -- God needed me, and I lived.Examine the past and the present, and endeavor to dive into futurity, and then say whether I am not a divine instrument.The most dreadful misfortunes, the most frightful sufferings, the abandonment of all those who loved me, the persecution of those who did not know me, formed the trials of my youth;when suddenly, from captivity, solitude, misery, I was restored to light and liberty, and became the possessor of a fortune so brilliant, so unbounded, so unheard-of, that Imust have been blind not to be conscious that God had endowed me with it to work out his own great designs.From that time I looked upon this fortune as something confided to me for an especial purpose.Not a thought was given to a life which you once, Mercedes, had the power to render blissful; not one hour of peaceful calm was mine; but I felt myself driven on like an exterminating angel.Like adventurous captains about to embark on some enterprise full of danger, I laid in my provisions, I loaded my weapons, Icollected every means of attack and defence; I inured my body to the most violent exercises, my soul to the bitterest trials; I taught my arm to slay, my eyes to behold excruciating sufferings, and my mouth to smile at the most horrid spectacles.Good-natured, confiding, and forgiving as I had been, I became revengeful, cunning, and wicked, or rather, immovable as fate.Then I launched out into the path that was opened to me.I overcame every obstacle, and reached the goal; but woe to those who stood in my pathway!""Enough," said Mercedes; "enough, Edmond! Believe me, that she who alone recognized you has been the only one to comprehend you; and had she crossed your path, and you had crushed her like glass, still, Edmond, still she must have admired you! Like the gulf between me and the past, there is an abyss between you, Edmond, and the rest of mankind; and Itell you freely that the comparison I draw between you and other men will ever be one of my greatest tortures.No, there is nothing in the world to resemble you in worth and goodness! But we must say farewell, Edmond, and let us part.""Before I leave you, Mercedes, have you no request to make?"said the count.
"I desire but one thing in this world, Edmond, -- the happiness of my son.""Pray to the Almighty to spare his life, and I will take upon myself to promote his happiness.""Thank you, Edmond."
"But have you no request to make for yourself, Mercedes?""For myself I want nothing.I live, as it were, between two graves.One is that of Edmond Dantes, lost to me long, long since.He had my love! That word ill becomes my faded lip now, but it is a memory dear to my heart, and one that Iwould not lose for all that the world contains.The other grave is that of the man who met his death from the hand of Edmond Dantes.I approve of the deed, but I must pray for the dead.""Your son shall be happy, Mercedes," repeated the count.
"Then I shall enjoy as much happiness as this world can possibly confer.""But what are your intentions?"
"To say that I shall live here, like the Mercedes of other times, gaining my bread by labor, would not be true, nor would you believe me.I have no longer the strength to do anything but to spend my days in prayer.However, I shall have no occasion to work, for the little sum of money buried by you, and which I found in the place you mentioned, will be sufficient to maintain me.Rumor will probably be busy respecting me, my occupations, my manner of living -- that will signify but little.""Mercedes," said the count, "I do not say it to blame you, but you made an unnecessary sacrifice in relinquishing the whole of the fortune amassed by M.de Morcerf; half of it at least by right belonged to you, in virtue of your vigilance and economy.""I perceive what you are intending to propose to me; but Icannot accept it, Edmond -- my son would not permit it.""Nothing shall be done without the full approbation of Albert de Morcerf.I will make myself acquainted with his intentions and will submit to them.But if he be willing to accept my offers, will you oppose them?""You well know, Edmond, that I am no longer a reasoning creature; I have no will, unless it be the will never to decide.I have been so overwhelmed by the many storms that have broken over my head, that I am become passive in the hands of the Almighty, like a sparrow in the talons of an eagle.I live, because it is not ordained for me to die.If succor be sent to me, I will accept it.""Ah, madame," said Monte Cristo, "you should not talk thus!
It is not so we should evince our resignation to the will of heaven; on the contrary, we are all free agents.""Alas!" exclaimed Mercedes, "if it were so, if I possessed free-will, but without the power to render that will efficacious, it would drive me to despair." Monte Cristo dropped his head and shrank from the vehemence of her grief.
"Will you not even say you will see me again?" he asked.
"On the contrary, we shall meet again," said Mercedes, pointing to heaven with solemnity."I tell you so to prove to you that I still hope." And after pressing her own trembling hand upon that of the count, Mercedes rushed up the stairs and disappeared.Monte Cristo slowly left the house and turned towards the quay.But Mercedes did not witness his departure, although she was seated at the little window of the room which had been occupied by old Dantes.
Her eyes were straining to see the ship which was carrying her son over the vast sea; but still her voice involuntarily murmured softly, "Edmond, Edmond, Edmond!"