THE COMTESSE DE L'ESTORADE TO MADAME OCTAVE DE CAMPSParis, February, 1839.
Dear Madame de Camps,--Of all the proofs of sympathy which the accident to my dear child has brought me, not one has touched me so much as your excellent letter.
In reply to your affectionate solicitude I must tell you that in that terrible moment Nais was marvellously calm and self-possessed.It could not, I think, be possible to see death nearer; yet neither before nor after the accident did my valiant little daughter even blench; her whole behavior showed the utmost resolution, and, thank God! her health has not suffered for a moment.
As for me, in consequence of such terror, I was seized with convulsive spasms, and for several days, as I now hear, the doctors were very uneasy, and even feared for my reason.But thanks to the strength of my constitution, I am now almost myself again, and nothing would remain of this cruel agitation if, by a singular fatality, it were not connected with another unpleasant circumstance which has lately seen fit to fasten upon my life.
Before receiving from your letter these fresh assurances of your regard, I had thought of invoking the help of your friendship and advice; and to-day, when you tell me that it would make you happy and proud to take the place of my poor Louise de Chaulieu, the precious friend of whom death has deprived me, can I hesitate for a moment?
I take you at your word, and that delightful cleverness with which you foiled the fools who commented on your marriage to Monsieur de Camps [see "Madame Firmiani"], that singular tact with which we saw you steer your way through circumstances that were full of embarrassment and danger, in short the wonderful art which enabled you to keep both your secret and your dignity, I now ask you to put to the service of assisting me in the dilemma I mentioned just now.
Unfortunately in consulting a physician we naturally want to see him and tell him our symptoms viva voce, and it is here that Monsieur de Camps with his industrial genius seems to me most aggravating.Thanks to those villanous iron-works which he has taken it into his head to purchase, you are almost lost to Paris and to society! Formerly when we had you here, at hand, in ten minutes talk, without embarrassment, without preparation, I could have told you everything; but now I am obliged to think over what I have to say, to gather myself together, and pass into the solemnity of a written statement.
But after all, perhaps it is better to plunge boldly in, and since, in spite of circumlocutions and preambles, I shall have sooner or later to come to the point, why not say at once that my trouble concerns the stranger who saved my daughter's life.
Stranger! yes, a stranger to Monsieur de l'Estorade and to all who have told you about the accident, but not a stranger to me, whom, for the last three months, this man has condescended to honor with the most obstinate attention.That the mother of three children, one of them a big boy of fifteen, should at thirty-three years of age become the object of an ardent passion will seem to you, as it does to me, an impossible fact; and that is the ridiculous misfortune about which Iwant to consult you.
When I say that this stranger is known to me, I must correct myself;for I know neither his name, nor his abode, nor anything about him.Ihave never met him in society, and I may add that, although he wears the ribbon of the Legion of honor, there is nothing in his air and manner--which are totally devoid of elegance--to make me suppose Iever shall meet him in our world.
It was at Saint-Thomas d'Aquin, where, as you know, I go to hear mass, that this annoying obsession began.I used almost daily to take my children to walk in the Tuileries, as the house we have hired here has no garden.This habit being noticed by my persecutor, I found him repeatedly there and wherever else I might be met outside of my own home.Perfectly discreet, although so audacious, this singular follower never accompanied me to my own door; he kept at a sufficient distance to give me the comfort of feeling that his foolish assiduity would not be observed by others.
Heaven only knows the sacrifices and annoyances I have borne to be rid of him.I never go to church now except on Sundays; I often keep my dear children at home to the injury of their health; or else I make excuses not to accompany them, and against all the principles of my education and prudence, I leave them to the care of the servants.
Visits, shopping I do only in a carriage, which did not prevent my shadow from being at hand when the accident happened to Nais, and saving her life, an act that was brave and providential.
But it is precisely this great obligation I am now under which makes--does it not, I appeal to you?--a most deplorable complication.
In the first place, about thanking him.If I do that, I encourage him, and he would certainly take advantage of it to change the character of our present intercourse.But if I pass him without notice--think of it! a mother--a mother who owes him the life of her daughter, to pretend not to see him! to pass him without a single word of gratitude!
That, however, is the intolerable alternative in which I find myself placed, and you can now see how much I need the counsels of your experience.What can I do to break the unpleasant habit this man has taken of being my shadow? How shall I thank him without encouraging him? or not thank him without incurring self-reproach?
Those are the problems submitted to your wisdom.If you will do me the kindness to solve them--and I know no one so capable--I shall add gratitude to all the other affectionate sentiments which, as you know, I have so long felt for you.