‘Yes,she was agreeing exactly with her sister.The surprise of your refusal,Fanny,seems to have been unbounded.That you could refuse such a man as Henry Crawford,seems more than they can understand.I said what I could for you;but in good truth,as they stated the case-you must prove yourself to be in your senses as soon as you can,by a different conduct;nothing else will satisfy them.But this is teasing you.I have done.Do not turn away from me.’
‘I should have thought,’said Fanny,after a pause of recollection and exertion,‘that every woman must have felt the possibility of a man's not being approved,not being loved by someone of her sex,at least,let him be ever so generally agreeable.Let him have all the perfections in the world,I think it ought not to be set down as certain,that a man must be acceptable to every woman he may happen to like himself.But even supposing it is so,allowing Mr Crawford to have all the claims which his sisters think he has,how was I to be prepared to meet him with any feeling answerable to his own?He took me wholly by surprise.I had not an idea that his behaviour to me before had any meaning;and surely I was not to be teaching myself to like him only because he was taking,what seemed,very idle notice of me.In my situation,it would have been the extreme of vanity to be forming expectations on Mr Crawford.I am sure his sisters,rating him as they do,must have thought it so,supposing he had meant nothing.How then was I to be-to be in love with him the moment he said he was with me?How was I to have an attachment at his service,as soon as it was asked for?His sisters should consider me as well as him.The higher his deserts,the more improper for me ever to have thought of him.And,and-we think very differently of the nature of women,if they can imagine a woman so very soon capable of returning an affection as this seems to imply.’
‘My dear,dear Fanny,now I have the truth.I know this to be the truth;and most worthy of you are such feelings.I had attributed them to you before.I thought I could understand you.You have now given exactly the explanation which I ventured to make for you to your friend and Mrs Grant,and they were both better satisfied,though your warm-hearted friend was still run away with a little,by the enthusiasm of her fondness for Henry.I told them,that you were of all human creatures the one,over whom habit had most power,and novelty least:and that the very circumstance of the novelty of Crawford's addresses was against him.Their being so new and so recent was all in their disfavour;that you could tolerate nothing that you were not used to;and a great deal more to the same purpose,to give them a knowledge of your character.Miss Crawford made us laugh by her plans of encouragement for her brother.She meant to urge him to persevere in the hope of being loved in time,and of having his addresses most kindly received at the end of about ten years'happy marriage.’
Fanny could with difficulty give the smile that was here asked for.Her feelings were all in revolt.She feared she had been doing wrong,saying too much,overacting the caution which she had been fancying necessary,in guarding against one evil,laying herself open to another,and to have Miss Crawford's liveliness repeated to her at such a moment,and on such a subject,was a bitter aggravation.
Edmund saw weariness and distress in her face,and immediately resolved to forbear all farther discussion;and not even to mention the name of Crawford again,except as it might be connected with what must be agreeable to her.On this principle,he soon afterwards observed,‘They go on Monday.You are sure therefore of seeing your friend either tomorrow or Sunday.They really go on Monday and I was within a trifle of being persuaded to stay at Lessingby till that very day!I had almost promised it.What a difference it might have made.Those five or six days more at Lessingby might have been felt all my life.’
‘You were near staying there?’
‘Very.I was most kindly pressed,and had nearly consented.Had I received any letter from Mansfield,to tell me how you were all going on,I believe I should certainly have stayed;but I knew nothing that had happened here for a fortnight,and felt that I had been away long enough.’
‘You spent your time pleasantly there.’
‘Yes;that is,it was the fault of my own mind if I did not.They were all very pleasant.I doubt their finding me so.I took uneasiness with me,and there was no getting rid of it till I was in Mansfield again.’
‘The Miss Owens-you liked them,did not you?’
‘Yes,very well.Pleasant,good-humoured,unaffected girls.But I am spoilt,Fanny,for common female society.Good-humoured,unaffected girls,will not do for a man who has been used to sensible women.They are two distinct orders of being.You and Miss Crawford have made me too nice.’
Still,however,Fanny was oppressed and wearied;he saw it in her looks,it could not be talked away,and attempting it no more,he led her directly with the kind authority of a privileged guardian into the house.
Chapter 36
Edmund now believed himself perfectly acquainted with all that Fanny could tell,or could leave to be conjectured of her sentiments,and he was satisfied.-It had been,as he before presumed,too hasty a measure on Crawford's side,and time must be given to make the idea first familiar,and then agreeable to her.She must be used to the consideration of his being in love with her,and then a return of affection might not be very distant.
He gave this opinion as the result of the conversation,to his father;and recommended there being nothing more said to her,no farther attempts to influence or persuade;but that everything should be left to Crawford's assiduities,and the natural workings of her own mind.