By eight in the morning,Edmund was in the house.The girls heard his entrance from above,and Fanny went down.The idea of immediately seeing him,with the knowledge of what he must be suffering,brought back all her own first feelings.He so near her,and in misery.She was ready to sink,as she entered the parlour.He was alone,and met her instantly;and she found herself pressed to his heart with only these words,just articulate,‘My Fanny-my only sister-my only comfort now.’She could say nothing;nor for some minutes could he say more.
He turned away to recover himself,and when he spoke again,though his voice still faltered,his manner showed the wish of self-command,and the resolution of avoiding any farther allusion.‘Have you breakfasted?-When shall you be ready?-Does Susan go?’-were questions following each other rapidly.His great object was to be off as soon as possible.When Mansfield was considered,time was precious;and the state of his own mind made him find relief only in motion.It was settled that he should order the carriage to the door in half an hour;Fanny answered for their having breakfasted,and being quite ready in half an hour.He had already ate,and declined staying for their meal.He would walk round the ramparts,and join them with the carriage.He was gone again,glad to get away even from Fanny.
He looked very ill;evidently suffering under violent emotions,which he was determined to suppress.She knew it must be so,but it was terrible to her.
The carriage came;and he entered the house again at the same moment,just in time to spend a few minutes with the family,and be a witness-but that he saw nothing-of the tranquil manner in which the daughters were parted with,and just in time to prevent their sitting down to the breakfast table,which by dint of much unusual activity,was quite and completely ready as the carriage drove from the door.Fanny's last meal in her father's house was in character with her first；she was dismissed from it as hospitably as she had been welcomed.
How her heart swelled with joy and gratitude,as she passed the barriers of Portsmouth,and how Susan's face wore its broadest smiles,may be easily conceived.Sitting forwards,however,and screened by her bonnet,those smiles were unseen.
The journey was likely to be a silent one.Edmund's deep sighs often reached Fanny.Had he been alone with her,his heart must have opened in spite of every resolution;but Susan's presence drove him quite into himself,and his attempts to talk on indifferent subjects could never be long supported.
Fanny watched him with never-failing solicitude,and sometimes catching his eye,received an affectionate smile,which comforted her;but the first day's journey passed without her hearing a word from him on the subjects that were weighing him down.The next morning produced a little more.Just before their setting out from Oxford,while Susan was stationed at a window,in eager observation of the departure of a large family from the inn,the other two were standing by the fire;and Edmund,particularly struck by the alteration in Fanny's looks,and from his ignorance of the daily evils of her father's house,attributing an undue share of the change,attributing all to the recent event,took her hand,and said in a low,but very expressive tone,‘No wonder-you must feel it-you must suffer.How a man who had once loved,could desert you!But yours-your regard was new compared with-Fanny,think of me!’
The first division of their journey occupied a long day,and brought them almost knocked up,to Oxford;but the second was over at a much earlier hour.They were in the environs of Mansfield long before the usual dinner-time,and as they approached the beloved place,the hearts of both sisters sank a little.Fanny began to dread the meeting with her aunts and Tom,under so dreadful a humiliation;and Susan to feel with some anxiety,that all her best manners,all her lately acquired knowledge of what was practised here,was on the point of being called into action.Visions of good and ill breeding,of old vulgarisms and new gentilities were before her;and she was meditating much upon silver forks,napkins,and finger glasses.Fanny had been everywhere awake to the difference of the country since February;but,when they entered the Park,her perceptions and her pleasures were of the keenest sort.It was three months,full three months,since her quitting it;and the change was from winter to summer.Her eye fell everywhere on lawns and plantations of the freshest green;and the trees,though not fully clothed,were in that delightful state,when farther beauty is known to be at hand,and when,while much is actually given to the sight,more yet remains for the imagination.Her enjoyment,however,was for herself alone.Edmund could not share it.She looked at him,but he was leaning back,sunk in a deeper gloom than ever,and with eyes closed as if the view of cheerfulness oppressed him,and the lovely scenes of home must be shut out.
It made her melancholy again;and the knowledge of what must be enduring there,invested even the house,modern,airy,and well situated as it was,with a melancholy aspect.
By one of the suffering party within,they were expected with such impatience as she had never known before.Fanny had scarcely passed the solemn-looking servants,when Lady Bertram came from the drawing room to meet her;came with no indolent step;and,falling on her neck,said,‘Dear Fanny!now I shall be comfortable.’
Chapter 47
It had been a miserable party,each of the three believing themselves most miserable.Mrs Norris,however,as most attached to Maria,was really the greatest sufferer.Maria was her first favourite,the dearest of all;the match had been her own contriving,as she had been wont with such pride of heart to feel and say,and this conclusion of it almost overpowered her.